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It's a stinking, shambling corpse grotesquely parodying life.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:48 am 
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20061208, second panel, Meji's last speech bubble: "...hanging around others mages." should be "...hanging around other mages."

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 10:01 am 
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20061211, third panel, Riley's speech bubble: "just teeny tiny bit" should be "just a teeny tiny bit"
20061211, fourth panel, Ian's second speech bubble: "won't hurt any thing" should probably be either "won't hurt a thing" or "won't hurt anything"

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:22 am 
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20061213, second panel, Ian's second speech bubble: "it is" should probably be "is it"

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:10 pm 
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20061220, sixth panel, Leah's third speech bubble: "It's still possible that it was accident" should probably be "It's still possible that it was an accident"

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 7:47 am 
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20061220 either Ian's bubble in the first panel needs to be changed to "What Happened" or Leas' text needs to be changed in the second panel to "Someone set us up the bomb"


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 7:02 am 
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20070117, sixth panel, Leah's first speech bubble: "why I willing to forgive you" should be "why I'm willing to forgive you".

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 7:05 am 
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Edit: Too slow.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 7:51 am 
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20070117

first panel: I'd either remove the "though" from the beginning of Leah's second speech bubble or the "but" from the beginning of her third. Both together make her dialogue awkward.

fifth panel, Jon's third speech bubble: "everything was going to be good and okay again..." or "everything was going too good and okay again..." (I'm not sure exactly what you're going for)

seventh panel, Jon's first speech bubble: "...you're not wearing glasses."

last panel, last speech bubble: "some what" to somewhat and "with out" to without


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 2:33 am 
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20070124

second panel, Meji's panel - "it looked more like you were torturing her than healing her."

third panel, Ian's last panel - "It ought to take way less strain.", not sure about this one as I'm not a native speaker, but isn't "cause" more natural?


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:39 am 
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Rakshasa wrote:
20070124
third panel, Ian's last panel - "It ought to take way less strain.", not sure about this one as I'm not a native speaker, but isn't "cause" more natural?

Cause is both more formal and more natural, unless you're brought up using "take" in this context, as I was. I believe this is a Midwesternism.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:04 am 
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20070126, Panel 5, Riley's first bubble: "boarder" should be "border"
20070126, Panel 5, Leah's second bubble: "suppose to" should be "supposed to"

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:38 am 
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20070205, Panel 4, Meji's first bubble: "You don't have go home" should be "You don't have to go home"

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 1:49 am 
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20070207, Panel 4, Meji's second bubble. 3 critical words got dropped:
"I mean, you can only smack someone in the face for saying something so backwards ass retarded so many times before it becomes a conditioned reflex."

You may want to move the "only", too (i.e., "you can smack someone .. only so many times ...").


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:43 am 
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20070209, Panel 4, Riley's bubble: "certainty" should be "certainly"

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 7:50 pm 
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Also, it seems as though the "Not really, Ian never did get along with girls very well" should be coming from Leah, not from Meji. But that may be intentional.

Also, the speech bubbles in the last two panels are very confusing as to who they are coming from, especially insofar as determining whether it is Riley or Leah who is twice as old as the other, since both speech bubbles are pointing towards the same person. But, in the second to last panel the speech bubbles look as if they've been reversed, since the one that starts with "Riley..." seems to be coming from the one with lighter hair, I.E., Riley.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:14 am 
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20070307, Panel 6, Ian's first bubble: "Goddamit" is usually rendered "Goddammit" or "Goddamnit" although there's probably room for artistic license in this one.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 2:52 am 
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20070321, Panel 1, Anita's second bubble: "Gewehr\n 's" -> "Gewehr's" (\n = line break)

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 4:18 am 
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20070323, panel 1, Paul's second bubble, "fight fair" should be "fair fight"

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:44 am 
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20070323, panel 1, Paul's first bubble:

"I told you Warrel was overconfident fool."

s.b.

"I told you Warrel was an overconfident fool."

(unless you're going for the bad Russian accent...)


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 6:55 pm 
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2007-03-23 - Panel 2 - Anita's first bubble - It should be "A mission that was supposed to be". You missed the d.

2007-03-23 - Panel 2 - Anita's sixth panel - It should be "We can assume she's either dead". You said 'ether' instead of 'either'.

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