ZOMBIE FORUMS

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How soon should we shoot Blue Sun Missile into the sun?
Now 11%  11%  [ 4 ]
Soon 11%  11%  [ 4 ]
Invent time machine and do it yesterday 78%  78%  [ 29 ]
Total votes : 37
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:21 am 
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Gazing Rabbit wrote:
Vass wrote:
Gazing Rabbit wrote:
Yorik wrote:
Woah, since when have Onion and Blue Sun Missile been a couple?

They were coupled for the mod election thingmabob, I don't know what sort of relationship they had before that.

But they are rather lovely, don't you think?

Uh-oh... Best of luck, mate.

What, you think Onion would start aiming at me? I think she has her hands full with Blue Sun Missile, and I'm no competetor to him since I can log-on only once in a while.


I don't aim. I fire widly.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 4:59 pm 
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onion wrote:
Gazing Rabbit wrote:
Vass wrote:
Gazing Rabbit wrote:
Yorik wrote:
Woah, since when have Onion and Blue Sun Missile been a couple?

They were coupled for the mod election thingmabob, I don't know what sort of relationship they had before that.

But they are rather lovely, don't you think?

Uh-oh... Best of luck, mate.

What, you think Onion would start aiming at me? I think she has her hands full with Blue Sun Missile, and I'm no competetor to him since I can log-on only once in a while.


I don't aim. I fire widly.


Onion is america?


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:08 pm 
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Bah. I can fire a gun better than a dang Frenchman.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:16 pm 
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PsionicsNOTMagic wrote:
Bah. I can fire a gun better than a dang Frenchman.


Can someone else take this one? My Big Bag o' Shush seems to be empty.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:17 pm 
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Urban Wild Cat wrote:
PsionicsNOTMagic wrote:
Bah. I can fire a gun better than a dang Frenchman.


Can someone else take this one? My Big Bag o' Shush seems to be empty.


No problem.

*ahem*

SHUT UP.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 1:52 am 
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Urban Wild Cat wrote:
PsionicsNOTMagic wrote:
Bah. I can fire a gun better than a dang Frenchman.


Can someone else take this one? My Big Bag o' Shush seems to be empty.


Shut your mouth or I'll cut a hole in you, stick my dick in it, cut another hole and stick my dick in it, and then another and another until your full of white man chocolate, then I'll throw you into a freezer till your a big block of solid man love and slice you into little bits and sell them to amorous sailors.

Actor.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 4:19 am 
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actor_au wrote:
Urban Wild Cat wrote:
PsionicsNOTMagic wrote:
Bah. I can fire a gun better than a dang Frenchman.


Can someone else take this one? My Big Bag o' Shush seems to be empty.


Shut your mouth or I'll cut a hole in you, stick my dick in it, cut another hole and stick my dick in it, and then another and another until your full of white man chocolate, then I'll throw you into a freezer till your a big block of solid man love and slice you into little bits and sell them to amorous sailors.

Actor.

Shortest. Initiation. Ever.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 5:03 am 
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Gazing Rabbit wrote:
actor_au wrote:
Urban Wild Cat wrote:
PsionicsNOTMagic wrote:
Bah. I can fire a gun better than a dang Frenchman.


Can someone else take this one? My Big Bag o' Shush seems to be empty.


Shut your mouth or I'll cut a hole in you, stick my dick in it, cut another hole and stick my dick in it, and then another and another until your full of white man chocolate, then I'll throw you into a freezer till your a big block of solid man love and slice you into little bits and sell them to amorous sailors.

Actor.

Shortest. Initiation. Ever.


/nod

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 9:54 pm 
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I never got initiated. *sob*


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 10:39 pm 
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Good for you.


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 Post subject: Alba Gu Brath
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:59 pm 
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Kaz*CheesyDoritoBomb* wrote:
I never got initiated. *sob*


Kaz was sitting around, doing very little when a two people wandered by, one of them was a rugged manly man, his name was Actor and he carried in each arm two giant tree trunks the other was a tiny waifish girl called Onion, she was dressed like a fairy princess and had flowers in her hair and was giggling at the sky because, as she was a woman, she was airheaded and ditzy but was happy that the sky matched her outfit today(she was worried briefly that the sky might just try to trick her and be orange or Teal or some other colour today but it wasn't).

In his most manly voice Actor bellowed out "My. Goodness. I. See. A. Poor. Person. On. The. Side. Of. The. ROAD!" making sure each word was emphasised in such a manner that those listening knew that each word had to be important, for Actor was the one saying them and his words were sparse and well chosen.

Onion, nearly tripping over a small stone that was on the path started to giggle and looked over and saw poor Kaz sitting by the side of the road, understanding that this was the person mentioned in Actors Speech she spoke up, her perfect lilting accent carrying the words delicately to all around: "Aye, I ken. What'll ya do wit' this bucket o' fuck? Shank him o' the morn? Gin awa' doon the toon n git mi a bottle o thon ginger, n dinnae hing aboot neither. Ya pansy little bitch"

"Oh. Onion. Your. Words. Are. LIKE. CHOCOLATE. How. I. Love. To. Hear. Them. Emerge. From. Your. Delicate. MOUTH!" Actor intoned to those around him, even though around him was only Onion and the ever less important Kaz who was beginning to feel left out of this whole affair to a large degree.

"I'm sad, because no-one ever initiated me, I don't feel like I'm part of the forums. Can either of you help me?" with this Kaz began to cry at not being a part of things.

Onion, twirling a stray strand of her delicate auburn hair, knelt down beside the sobbing Kaz and in nearly a whisper softer than a gentle breeze she said: "Grew ya some baws ya sad sack o' shite, it tacks a lang spoon tae sup wi' a kyhmer or I be no herry Coagie, now git ye mind out o' the Chunty and git aye?"

The fairy wings on her light pink costume flapped slightly in the wind as confusion fell upon Kaz's face. "Wait, what? I don't understand you, can you speak English?"

Actor, having put down two of the four giant wooden logs he'd been carrying, removed his shirt showing off his tanned manly body, glistening in the sun, that was it would be glistening if his massive bulk of muscles hadn't eclipsed the sun.
He then grabbed Onions shoulder in a manly fashion, careful not to rip her fairy outfit, he managed to stop her from smashing her pink bottle of "Good Little Scottish Girls Drink(with Bubbles!)" and putting the good end in Kaz's eye and the bad end into his Scrotum. "Onion. My. Dear. I. Think. That. This. Young. Pup. Has. Difficulty. In. Understanding. You. This. May. Be. Related. To. The. Fact. That. Your. Filthy. Filthy. Vocabulary. Is. Also. Marred. By. Your. Innate. Scottishness!"

Onion blushed, and began to do a little ballet dance in the middle of the street, her delicate shoes moving elegantly around as she did that thing that Ballet people do that I can't spell. "Oh Ach!"

"AYE. Onion. My. Dearest. And. Oldest. Friend!" Actor picked up Kaz by the scruff of his neck and held him two meters in the air(which is about seven feet for those of you still living in the stone age) so that they were now eye to eye. "Your. Wish. For. An. Initiation.... IS. Granted!"
Actor pulled out a mobile telephone and a large phone book from his one and only pocket.

Kaz looked at the pocket and the size of the phone book. "How'd you get all that in there? Its bigger than the pocket itself! Thats impossible!"

"Wait. I'm. Phoning. Someone. To. EXPLAIN. IT!" Actor dialled, carefully, for his fingers were larger than the phone itself and used to smashing large rocks to make smaller rocks which he would then eat to assist in his digestion of raw livestock and lions. His fingers were not used to the delicate work of phoning people up or using a keyboard.

Having finished dialling after two minutes he began wondering briefly why he didn't simply ask Onion to do it given that her fingers where tiny and delicate and thus perfect for the job, other than the fact that she doesn't speak English and thus would make telling her the phone number difficult, (English Scottish Translations: One=Awone, Two=Tellerho, Three=SCOTCH YA HARBALL!, Four=I've ren owt o' fungirs!).
Actor waited in a manly manner, cupping his overly large genitals in one hand(which given their size was difficult as he had to bend down to reach his knees) whilst the phone was to his ear in the other hand. Held tight lest it fall in and become lost in there. The phone rang and rang and rang, finally being answered.
"Yep. That's. Me. Yes. I. Do. Yep. And. This. Are. You. Going. To. Read. Out. The. Whole. Thing? I. Need. You. To. Come. Out. And. Explain. Something. To. Kaz. This. Newish. Person. Who. Feels. Left. Out. Of. The. Forums."

Actor then reached into his pocket and pulled out, somehow, a less manly man, still manly compared to other men but less manly compared to the walking Y chromosome that was Actor. His head was slightly larger than trypical.
"HithereMynameisWanderingIdiot,don'ttalkIalreadyknowwhatyou'regoing
tosaybeforeyousayit,i'mageniusinspacialdimensionalthings.AlsoIliketolif
tupbuildingsinmysparetime."
His breathless speech made comprehension difficult for poor Kaz.

"I just wanted to know how he fit that phonebook into that tiny pocket"

Wandering Idiot took a huge breath and began his explanation: "He'sgotaccesstoapocketdimensionwhichallowshimtostoreanunlimitedam
ountofmaterialinalimitedamountofspace,thispocketdimesionisnearinfinte
andhasanoceanandabeachandsomekickasscondosandanentireprivateca
tholicallgirlsschoolwhichIlivenextto,pappasgothissciencegrooveonandth
eladiesloveit.PlusI'mtheonlyonethatknowshowtogetoutoftherebecauseI'
mtheonlyonethatunderstandsthenatureofinfintespace"

Turning blue Wandering Idiot drew breath again but Onion interrupted him "Aye, I ken. Ya wee beastie brains."
Having finally met their intellectual equals Wandering Idiot and Onion began making out right there and then.

Kaz was violently sick on the ground at the sight of such awesomeness, yellow vomit a side effect of his addiction to Doritos and Actor simply removed his pants, a leather mankini stretched to its limits covering his modesty and picked up the four tree trunks in one arm.

"I'm. Now. Going. To. Rape. You."

And he did. Firstly he made Kaz take of his clothes, all sexy like. He broke his arms to make taking off the shirt take longer.
Then he grabbed a tree trunk and, after consulting Wandering Idiot in the brief minute he had between shouts of "AlbaGuBrath!Motherfuckers!" he constructed a new pocket dimension in which there was no sunlight inside Kaz's arsehole(Wandering Idiot was adding R's to the word Arse, the innate Scottishness of the lithe waif Onion's kiss was affecting him already) in order to allow Actor greater access and to insure that once his massive length was entirely inside poor Kaz he wouldn't be able to bite the end off with his teeth.

After two hours of this Actor finally completed his task, rolled a cigarette made out of nothing but his own pubic hair and manliness and lit it using the burning fire of passion left by the friction of his lovemaking.

Leaving the four tree trunks inside Kaz Actor walked away, now naked but for his rugged beard and body hair.

Wandering Idiot and Onion made love the scary way and then the less scary way and then the Scottish way(which involves two litres of sheep blood, one drinks stop in the middle and stomach strong enough to withstand having a small black hole created in the centre of it) and had four children as a result(because everytime you have sex you get a child, unless its Buttsex), one they named Yorrick(the Scary Way, Yorrick grew up to be a movie poster artist who dreamed of making it big as a rollerskating disco king and never wore pants ever), the next two they named Shoonra and Vass(both created by the Less Scary Way of having sex, the first was named after the girl that Onion ran away with after Wandering Idiot left her to go back to the pocket Dimension and its harem of Catholic Schoolgirls, they became Waifu and Waifu in a romantic ceremony held in France the least manly of all nations because they didn't want Actor Attending and converting all their new lesbian friends, and the second was named after Vass to piss Actor off, looking at it in retrospect those two rugmunchers really hated Actor) and the last one they named Blue Sun Missile(The Scottish way, Blue Sun Missile was a dick so the less said about him the better), all three were raised by Shoonra(the older who may or may not have been the younger one as well after a time travel incident which created multiple parallel universes allowing for this paradox/contradiction to exist.

Years later Shoonra, Yorrick and Blue Sun Missile would have many PG rated adventures after they raped Vass to death.

The End.

Actor.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 12:25 am 
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tl;dr
moar borbs are required.

*EDIT* I'm not completely lazy. I did skim it for mention of boobs or vagoo.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 1:23 am 
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If thats the way initiations are going to be from now on then I must say I'd rather like to have one too.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 3:25 am 
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I enjoyed it, surprisingly enough.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 4:50 am 
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Get your out dated initiations out of my Blue Sun Missile firing thread.

Seriously.

Fuck off.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 5:20 am 
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onion wrote:
Get your out dated initiations out of my Blue Sun Missile firing thread.

Seriously.

Fuck off.


Someone doesn't like being a princess.

Image

Actor.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:15 am 
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Did Actor just initiate Kaz and me at the same time?

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:28 am 
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No, I just allowed you to be born.

And Rape Vass to death.

The rest is up to you!

Actor.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:34 am 
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actor_au wrote:
No, I just allowed you to be born.


As Wandering Idiot and Onion's love child.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:35 am 
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I give you 10 out of 10 for effort, but you lose 5 for tl and dr, another 3 off for content. So you get 2 out of 10.

Less rape and penis next time.


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