ZOMBIE FORUMS

It's a stinking, shambling corpse grotesquely parodying life.
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 Post subject: I am bored so I will write till the end of my break
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:59 pm 
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I wonder when corporate marketing whores will learn the lesson that should be taught in every single 101 marketing class.

If you could envision a new process or method & procedure being featured in Dilbert, don't fucking do it! I mean, honestly, in the past month my work has instituted 3 processes that reek of comedy show. One that involves the PHB (Pointy Haired Boss) asking Dogbert, "So how do we increase our customer care ratings?" and the response being "You don't need to give better service to the customer, you just need to tell them that the service is perfect. They're too stupid to think otherwise."

Then there was the internet policy that sounded like a futurama opening, "Good new s everyone! Our company has changed the internet for us, and made it better! They have made it easier for us to find relevant information on the web, by removing everything that is irrelevant!" That went well.

sigh. Stupid marketers and there stupid plans to make stupid changes, and stupid break for ending so stupid.

Yeah time to take more calls.

GO VERIZON!!!!
Edit: Dear god, my spelling does suck when I'm i na hurry.

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"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."


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Last edited by Chaos on Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 4:32 pm 
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<font color=blue><b>IT'S DIFFERENT NOW!
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At least they let you drink on the job.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:14 pm 
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If only. Oddly enough, my spelling gets better the more I drink, as I take forever to write something out.

I only have insanity and 10 hour shifts to blame this on.


MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Omn omn omn omn omn... SANITY... nomnomnomnomnom

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A man said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."


- Stephen Crane


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:27 pm 
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<font color=darkred><b>Lorem Ipsum
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Location: ich bin ein Auslander
SERENITY NOW!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:54 pm 
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We should have a thread that's solely for bitching about work.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:12 pm 
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Oh, the bitching I could do about my old job at Sears...

Thankfully, the job I have now is actually mostly cool (despite it being an IT tech support job). I mean, there is the occasional fit of managerial insanity (that's always gonna happen), but there really aren't too many unnecessary regulations about how we do our job.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:48 pm 
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I'm currently a janitor. Oh, if I only had a dime for every time some jackoff asked me to fix plumbing problems.

"Hi. Um, are you the janitor?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"Oh good. Our toilet's overflowing. Could you make it stop? I have a pipewrench in the maintenance closet."

"I only clean up the shit, lady. Plumbers deal with plumbing."

Idiots.

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The scent of Binturong musk is often compared to that of warm popcorn.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 5:20 am 
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I work in a Supermarket and have been there for eight years.
The volume of things I hate about the place could out-word the bible.

Actor.

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"Why can't we go back to living like cavemen? I know it was a rough and ready existence - the men where always rough and the women were always ready! " - Santa.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:27 am 
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actor_au wrote:
I work in a Supermarket and have been there for eight years.
The volume of things I hate about the place could out-word the bible.

Actor.

and the amount of things you like can be summed in one sentence

Free Candy when No one is looking.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:06 am 
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<font>Blue Sun Missile</font> wrote:
and the amount of things you like can be summed in one sentence

Free Candy when No one is looking.


At Ritter's Frozen Custard some one is ALWAYS looking. The only thing we get that is free is hotdogs that have become black the whole way through from being on the roller so long and water. Then we have the people who bitch about our prices WHILE buying stuff. If you don't like it don't buy it. That is how you fix shit like that. Of course we can't forget the people who fail to realise that hot fudge and hot caramel MELT icecream. Because honestly hot things melting cold icecream, who has ever heard of such lunacy. If it wasn't for half the managers not caring about the rules I wouldn't work there.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 4:25 pm 
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i actually miss my work

well to be honest i really just miss my pay checks


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:21 pm 
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I ported (read: restocked TP, paper towels, ect during the day hours) at STCU (Spokane Teacher's Credit Union) before my company lost the account.

2 days before we were scheduled to stop porting there, I walk into the ladies' handicapped room in the first set of bathrooms I visited.

I was nearly knocked on my ass by the stench. It actually took me a minute to place what the smell was, because the sheer strength of it was fucking ridiculous. I turned the corner to see what looked like the Golgothan scene from "Dogma", only more fiber-ey. The toilet was over-flowing with shit, and it had spread onto the floor, halfway to the door.

I couldn't move, I was shocked and retching at the same time.

And guess who had to clean it up? I went through 2 mopheads and a mopbucket. And I only had latex gloves, o lucky me.

Luckily, I found someone right away to close the bathroom. The fucking cubical farmers who worked there would have exploded from the sheer grossness of it. These are the types of people who flush the toilet with their feet, for godssakes. "Eew, germs omglol."

It was probably the septic tank backing up. But it was all one color. I still like to pretend that some irritating office-lady shit herself inside out.

I hope you enjoyed that little nugget, kiddos :-D

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 8:52 am 
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oh god. I just ate. :gonk:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:26 pm 
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Mission accomplished.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:31 am 
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I would bitch about my 'work', but it would be revealing secret information. The army does not want other countries to know what are the levels of 'suck' and 'moronic' we had reached.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 9:37 am 
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Gazing Rabbit wrote:
I would bitch about my 'work', but it would be revealing secret information. The army does not want other countries to know what are the levels of 'suck' and 'moronic' we had reached.


lemme sum it up.
Gazing comes here because of the sanity and intelligent conversations.

thats how bad he has it.

Blue
comes here for the same reasons

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:01 am 
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Location: In a cube-farm, growing emails.
Tech support goon, yo! Each day is divided between helping people, some of whom are so un-utterably STUPID that they should not be allowed access to computers(I once had a customer ask me what an email address was) dealing with managerial stupidity and 'motivational' programs and hoping that the other employees won't do their asshole impressions and make the day longer and worse for those of us with a goddam work ethic.(on sept 25th, nearly half the male staff called in sick. Most of them, apparently, didn't even have the decency to fake up sounding ill)

Still, I have done worse for less money, and we are authorized to hang up if a caller starts swearing and such. And one benefit of being one of the few IT guys who actually does his job is job security and bonuses.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:27 am 
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<font>Blue Sun Missile</font> wrote:
Gazing Rabbit wrote:
I would bitch about my 'work', but it would be revealing secret information. The army does not want other countries to know what are the levels of 'suck' and 'moronic' we had reached.


lemme sum it up.
Gazing comes here because of the sanity and intelligent conversations.

thats how bad he has it.

I was coming here for sane and intelligent conversation when I was in high school. Now I come here to remind myself what sanity is, since I lost sight of it a while back.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:39 am 
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Chaz wrote:
(on sept 25th, nearly half the male staff called in sick. Most of them, apparently, didn't even have the decency to fake up sounding ill)


Co-Worker: hello, I cant come in today because im suffering from Anal Glaucoma.
Boss: what is anal glaucoma?
Co-Worker: its when I cant see my ass coming it to work today

Blue Sun Missile
has called that one in many times

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Pintsize wrote:
"If Aliens ever really tried to contact us, it'd be through the internet, then 4CHAN would probably scare them off"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:42 pm 
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I've spent the last two nights filling milk until 3am.
If you are not Lactose intolerant FUCK YOU.

My clothes, car, shoes and skin smell like milk, I've had enough showers to rival Noah's flood and I'm still smelling of milk.

Actor.

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