I know that this is like totally not related to this place but I just want to discuss this anywhere now cuz its burden to me too much
I go to this one place, I meet this one man and Im instantly torn by two strong opposite feelings, extreme attraction and annoyance, I recently visited there again and I got a more distant approach to my strong feelings and I have analised them now and know somehow what is going on with me
this should probably be going to my diary but I just feel like writing it here right away now if you just dont mind, these moments come to me in flash of light and they need to be brought out to daylight that instant or will cause internal injury sort of like fart or cough if was withheld inside
So I now know, first of all, I feel the attraction because I sense a real actually realistic real power in this man, he just dont show off, he really does have the power for real plus he is not just having the power for power sake like some Bill Gates kind of person but he is a real oldfashioned Solomon kind of person with soul and who prides in his possessions and how he can lay the kingdom to the feet of his queen, this is the positive side of the feeling
then the dark ones, Im telling you now, love and attraction dont come alone and I know so much about the subtle line between love and hate they are like siamese twins and how soon can the love become hate, what is there to hate then, u ask ? Well I just want to know it too because I just want to fucking move on with my life but Im just fucking stuck in here, I think Im afraid of the possible hurt, because if he is making me feel so much while im not even with him then what if I am with him and then something happened, i will end up like Whitney Houston crackwhore reduculed by her husbands sister in magasines (how dare she, def has got her own share of the money back stabbing whore)
I know that it has take so much to build such kingdom and I know Im going to be the perfect queen because I have it all, im like Esther I have the compassion and skills and dedication and visions and talent and all, only im just trapped into this feeling, by the time I enter that place I instantly think there is a edomitese daughter watching beside ready to take over any time or maybe already is there, when I think of this hot burning like goal like tears pulps out of my eye corners, I just cant stand the idea that there will be somebody else taking my place, it practically drives me insane
then why, why dont I just fucking go and declare my thrown already, what the fuck is holding me back ?
I swear that as compassionate and kind spirited that I am, I wont be as tolerable as whitney houston, i wont be usind drugs but i will kill anybody around me that i dont like weather be it your fucking sister or mother even, that is all i wanted to say here, im dreamy and gentle BUT NOT THAT DREAMY
_________________ Lulz cow
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