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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2002 10:12 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2001 5:00 pm
Posts: 1391
Location: SourSveg, Horrible Härjedalen
From: "Xxxx Xxxxx" <xxxx@xxxxxx.co.uk>


57 xxxx Street
xxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
xxxx xxx
27-09-01



Dear Cretins,


I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.


During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service
which I had not previously considered possible,as well as ignorance and
stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific
details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and
seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so
that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away
the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your
office.


My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice,
resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse
waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I
spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and
the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your
helpful website.. how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by
playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you
are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.


The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.


Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several
further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my
modem arrived . a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun
to pay for it.



I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%.
these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to
Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.


I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone
calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been
unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who
are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.


I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will
call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call
me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not
a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be
transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is
available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me
that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who
knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been
redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman.. and several other
variations on this theme.


Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.


Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.



Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.


I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there?


How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable
dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you
truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum -incompetents
of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine
like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your
seemingly limitless inadequacy.


Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest
to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise,
and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the
services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision,
and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.


I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both
you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them
the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless
employees.


Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats,


Yours psychotically,


Xxxx Xxxxxxx


--------------
Found this in my inbox today.
I feel with the guy. I've been waiting and fighting for my ADSL for 8 months. (It was promised to be installed when I moved in).
Not entirely the phonecompany's fault. My landlord said he had an agreement with the phoncomp. to install ADSL in my apartment. And when no adsl arrived I was told to call phonecomp. After harrasing phone comp for three fucking months I was finaly redirected to a techie that informed me the agrement was only for a couple of houses downtown and there wouldn't be any ADSL station in my area until next year. After finaly getting a answer I chewed out the landlord. That was however as effective as talking sense to a ATM-machine. (But atleast the rent is cheap here in the worst neighbourhood in town)

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