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It's a stinking, shambling corpse grotesquely parodying life.
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 Post subject: John Dies at the End
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 12:46 am 
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See title above.

Anybody read this epic? If so, post your comments about it. If not, go read it as soon as you have the free time. It's probably the best story online I've ever read. Best use of first person narrative ever, online or off.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:11 am 
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I've read it. It's pretty funny in places and it manages to maintain respectable levels of spookiness throughout. Another plus is that all told it comes out to something like 350 pages of text, enough to have kept me occupied for two full shifts that would have otherwise been spent sleeping or doodling on my arms.


To steal John's shtick, I rate it: turd.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:17 am 
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Quote:
Forbidden
You don't have permission to access /jdate/intro.html on this server.

Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.
Apache/1.3.33 Server at www.pointlesswasteoftime.com Port 80


That was Epic.

Actor.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:09 am 
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It's ONLY the place where cool kids like WI and me have been for the past sixty-nine yaers.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:16 am 
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Kazebari wrote:
It's ONLY the place where cool kids like WI and I have been for the past sixty-nine years.

Fixed.

Is it a good story, as per this, or should I wait for someone in hollywood to turn it into a straight to tv movie?


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 Post subject: Re: John Dies at the End
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:01 am 
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Hey! Whoring out links to PWOT is my department!

See? Awld.


Seriously though, I second the recommendation. Didn't they make a sequel eventually? (I never got around to finishing reading it at work [the only place I read fiction online]. I should probably do that now...)

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:32 pm 
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I liked reading his article on World of Warcraft.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:15 pm 
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actor_au wrote:
Quote:
Forbidden
You don't have permission to access /jdate/intro.html on this server.

Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.
Apache/1.3.33 Server at www.pointlesswasteoftime.com Port 80


That was Epic.

Actor.


Link works for me, Actor. I don't know what's messing it up for you. Just check pointlesswasteoftime.com, you'll find the link.

Vass: It's more random and spooky than the joke of long-ness, but I believe it's actually longer than that. And I would reccomend it over the joke any day. No disrespect to the joke, though.

WI, there's no sequel that I know of. I think it just finished a few months ago. At the moment, the author's trying to get it into a publish-able version.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:08 am 
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Okay, it seems that PWOT is blocking me as every single link I've tried has failed.

I don't know what I did to insult them but goddamn I'm going to have to do it again one of these days to whoever runs Tubgirl..

Or I could just cut out the middleman and do it to Lifyre.

Actor.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:22 am 
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Hrm, I remember reading the middle part of this ages ago.

The part with the giant ice statue, and the holy water, etc.
Of course, I dont remember any of the stuff -before- that, or even after, but meh.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:57 am 
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Okay, someone send me the conents of the link.

My email is at Gmail and its my username except with a fullstop(.) instead of the underscore(_).

actor.au

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:24 am 
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Somebody would have to save 49 pages and then send them to you. I'm far too lazy. Luckily, Wayback has everything but the epilogue which is an additional 5ish pages that are a bit crap compared to the rest so fuck 'em.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:11 am 
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Kazebari wrote:
It's ONLY the place where cool kids like WI and myself have been for the past sixty-nine yaers.


u wanna fight vass/


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:25 am 
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Kazebari wrote:
Kazebari wrote:
It's ONLY the place where cool kids like WI and myself have been for the past sixty-nine yaers.


u wanna fight vass/

I'll take you on with anything, anytime, anywhere. With the power of the gods of grammar on my side, I shall surely defeat you!


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 12:08 pm 
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Poe should draw John from ES dead and in a pool of blood with JOHN DIES in big letters.

However, if he did actually die, I suppose it would be a spoiler. We all know he likes to kill of his main chars if needed.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:04 pm 
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Except for the minor problem that there is no character named "John" in ES, and thus, the joke is defeated.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:36 pm 
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John Long is Meji's Ex-Boyfriends name. Although he prefers the nick-name of Jhonas.

I've snuck into Poe's head and read his dreams(damn pale white guy was there telling me to fuck off or his sister would kill me, I was like: OMFG Is she teh hot?!! To which he replied she was deadly) and found out how ES ends.

You see, that giant tree will be cut down by Meji(in a fit of rage) and used as a bridge over a large canyon(which was out of frame in the last few comics) which will lead them to the Elvish secret, which isn't all that interesting to be honest.

After that the crew will go out and find a bar somewhere where Ian will confront Meji and try to get her to kill Sarine by using elves only other weakness(bullets being their first one).
One six month long epic lesbian scene later and Sarine is no more, however having watched their lovers have such brutal sex Jon and Ian run off togther(creating a spin-off comic called Yaoi-Story(The greatest Bishouen love story to ever spring from a Gaijin's mind) which will be written by Shoonra and illistrated by RMG, this is the Top Secret Project by the way) leaving Meji all to herself.

Having been exhausted from all that hot-elf-lesbian sexxors Meji spends a night in a tavern and tries to sleep, only to meet a drunk man who wanders into her room and tells her that the only way to become a god(apparently he's one of her teachers or something) is to sleep with him. After about ten goes she thinks he might be lying and burns him alive.

In his napsack, which didn't burn however, she finds a map to a treasure which she assumes might be a left over from the Deus Ex Machina spell she cast. Ellis at this stage is having sex with the napsack.

So Meji goes downstairs and meets up with the bar patrons and is about to leave when a voice suddenly demands that she stops and talks to him.
She turns and sees a liver in a jar of Scotch that is somehow able to talk.

The liver tells her that she will need its help in her quest, that is used to belong to her ex-boyfriend John, the liver tells her that John is still alive and looking for her.
But Meji sees the sign stuck to the Jar and tells the liver to fuck off because she knew it was lying and that John was dead.
She then went off to find an all female elven colony.

And the sign on the tank? .. Oh you'll love this:

Here Lies John Longs Liver.

Actor.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:16 am 
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I stumbled upon this story (literally) yesterday.
Exactly two years since the last post in this thread.
Nifty, ney?

Also, it's available in dead tree form, for those of you with moneis.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:57 am 
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Jesus that was one contorted fegshoot.

Why did I write that?

Actor.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 9:31 am 
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I just discovered this thread two months after dicovering this story.

thats Creepy.

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