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 Post subject: Wanted: Party of adventurers to eliminate dire badger threat. Reward: Some gold coins and experience
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:57 pm 
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Well, that was what I was thinking when I first saw this article...

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/07/11/1976220.htm

Quote:
Giant badgers 'terrorise' Iraqi port city

The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a new fear; a giant badger stalking the streets by night.

Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel rumours of a bear-like monster that eats humans and was allegedly released into the area by British forces to spread panic.

Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, director of Basra's veterinary hospital, has inspected the corpses of several dead badgers and tries to reassure his fellow citizens that they are not a new post-war arrival in the region.

"These animals appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986," he said.

"Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."

British troops have been based in Basra since the 2003 US-led invasion overthrew dictator Saddam Hussein, and the 5,500 that remain still face the threat of Shiite militias battling for the region's oil resources.

British army spokesman Major David Gell said the animals were thought to be a kind of honey badger, Mellivora capensis, which can be fierce but are not usually dangerous to humans unless provoked.

"They are native to the region but rare in Iraq," he said.

"They're nocturnal carnivores with a fearsome reputation, but they don't stalk humans and carry them back to their lair."

Both the scientists and the soldiers agree that the badger ought not to be a danger to humans, but so far they have failed to reassure the populace.

Eyewitness accounts

"I was sleeping at night when this strange animal hit me on my head. I have not seen such an animal before. My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer," Suad Hassan, a 30-year-old housewife, said.

"It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey. It runs so quickly."

Cell phone video of the badgers circulating in Basra shows a stocky skunk-like animal with long front claws.

The honey badger, or ratel, is known as a brave predator capable of killing a cobra. It weighs up to 14 kilos (30 pounds), not usually known as man-eater.

Sattar Jabbar, a 50-year-old local farmer from Abu Sakhar north of Basra, believes the badger can tackle even large prey.

"I saw it three days ago at night attacking animals. It even ate a cow. It tore the cow up piece by piece," he said.

"I tried to shoot it with my gun but it ran away into the orchards. I missed it," he said.

- AFP


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 Post subject: It's 5:47AM and I'm still at work (night shift). This is merely the inevitable result.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:49 am 
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Damned British and their fearsome badgers of mass destruction with their sharp teeth and beady eyes and their general Mustelidae-ness and their ability to pole-vault upwards of 500 meters in order to reach honeycombs hidden on cliff ledges and their endlessly soulless thousand-yard stare, the stare of a badger who has seen too much, and lived too long, but loved too little, and their nasty little claws tipped with nano-engineered diamondoid compound, and so forth. *waves fist*

Heaven help those Iraqi buggers if the Brits ever decide to pull out the secret ferret-based weaponry they’ve been keeping under wraps on an army base in Wiltshire.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 4:00 am 
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...suppose we built this large wooden badger-


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 4:41 am 
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Next up: Zombies in Baghdad!

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Brraaaiiiinnnnnzzzzzz...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 6:13 am 
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You must be a level 10 adventurer to enter Baghdad.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:11 am 
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Image


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:34 pm 
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MUSHROOM MUSHROOM


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:43 pm 
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Edible Corpse wrote:
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM


FAIL.

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DNI'd by actor_au


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:26 pm 
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Insane_Megalomaniac wrote:
Edible Corpse wrote:
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM


FAIL.


SNAKE! SNAKE!

Actor.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 7:45 pm 
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actor_au wrote:
Insane_Megalomaniac wrote:
Edible Corpse wrote:
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM


FAIL.


SNAKE! SNAKE!

Actor.


Penis! Penis!

Wait, that's Labrat's line. Fuck.

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DNI'd by actor_au


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 9:09 pm 
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Insane_Megalomaniac wrote:
Massive failure.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 10:14 pm 
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actor_au wrote:
SNAKE! SNAKE!


SNAAAAAAAAKE!

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Brraaaiiiinnnnnzzzzzz...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:02 am 
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Vass wrote:
You must be a level 10 adventurer to enter Baghdad.

You must gather your party before venturing forth.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:30 pm 
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Kest wrote:
Vass wrote:
You must be a level 10 adventurer to enter Baghdad.

You must gather your party before venturing forth.


great now i'm going to have to install baldurs gate again


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:33 pm 
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coughrelatedtothestoatcough

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:36 pm 
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Edible Corpse wrote:
Kest wrote:
Vass wrote:
You must be a level 10 adventurer to enter Baghdad.

You must gather your party before venturing forth.


great now i'm going to have to install baldurs gate again


Eldreth isn't worth your time.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:44 pm 
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Kest wrote:
Vass wrote:
You must be a level 10 adventurer to enter Baghdad.

You must gather your party before venturing forth.


You have been waylaid by enemies and must defend yourself.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 1:24 pm 
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Edible Corpse wrote:
Image


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