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Ever since the movie of the book Fellowship of the Ring came out, there seem to be two popular ideas about Elves’ sex lives. Either they are radiantly asexual, or they are all screwing each other madly, along with any dwarves, hobbits, and men who happen along. Whichever you prefer is usually based on how attractive you think Orlando Bloom is.
I know for a fact that Orlando Bloom is very sexxxy (note the three "x"s). About have of the girls in my school are infatuated with him, one of which has made serious offers to sleep with and/or wed him (she also happens to be the pretty strawberry blonde with aspirations of Ph.Ds in seven disciplines, to give you an idea of how wierd it is to see her go as [and I quote]: "Orlanda Bloom" for Halloween). So that means that all I have to do is find a- Hey! What's this?
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Apparently, there was some parental will involved in the act of begetting. Either that, or they were having so little sex that it was easy to remember. “Pregnant? How did that happen? Oh, that Thursday three turns of the seasons ago. Oh yeah…”
Oh please oh please let it be the first one...
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Tolkien said absolutely nothing about elf puberty. Nonetheless, I assume it occurs.
Ah, so there is a time when you can take advantage of uncertain, discouraged, Junior High age (or the equivalent) elven girls.
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One scholar of elvish languages, Helge Fauskanger (web site Ardalambion,) has said that “Somewhere there may be a sealed envelope containing a piece of paper with the Elvish designations of the genitals, furtively set down by Tolkien behind locked doors.” but that they haven’t been uncovered. Revealed. Uncensored. I can’t imagine Tolkien’s literary estate letting them out the gate, even if they do exist.
None the less, you know that he made the words, and probably never even considered that some people might try to hide them.
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There is also a recorded instance of an elf-man falling in love with a human woman. (Legolas fans, please stay calm.)
Oh, I know some people I should be sending this to...
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To disappoint slash writers everywhere, there were no clear statements of elf homosexuality. There weren’t even any unclear ones. The most suggestive elf/elf pair are Fingon* and Maedhros, rescuing each other and sending each other presents just because. (Narn i Hîn Húrin, UF) But even they have less eyebrow-raising stuff going on in 500 years than Sam and Frodo managed to pack into one day.
Awww... so
this little gem that I've been scarring AIM friends with isn't in character? Shucks...
All in all, I found that site to be informative, interesting, and g3enerally a worthwhile waste of ten minutes.
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"In real life, you don' have a Subterfuge skill above one." - Phill
"What?! You spent THREE YEARS believing that I didn't masturbate!" - Steven