ZOMBIE FORUMS

Okay, I think it would be interesting if we had a little change of pace from the normally serious tone we have in Debate Club. I stole - er, this idea was inspired by a similar game played at a forum I used to frequent. (Incidentally, this is the same forum from which I took the idea of the Murder Game.)

Here's how it works: I (or whoever) propose a totally stupid subject for debate, and everyone debates the subject in a totally stupid manner. Logical errors, ad hominem attacks, and totally unrelated tangents are encouraged.

First topic up for debate.

It is resolved that SquaredBowl is a girl.

PRO: OMHEG TEH SPUNKY GRILCHILD!!!!
CON: Most likely Squabie's gonna be the only one to mtake this position.

Now, let's analyze this logically.

We have no real direct observational evidence of Squabie's gender. It could be said that ver gender is locked in a metaphorical box hooked up to a radioactive atom with a 50/50 chance of giving ver a penis. Now, according to Quantum Physics, this would mean that Squabie is both male and female at the same time, or neither, depending on your perspective.

Now, the only board member that we know of that is neither of the two major genders is Yevaud333. Considering how rare genderless entities are on the internet, I would have to conclude that Yevaud333 and SquaredBowl must be the same person.

This, week, of course, is avatar swap week, and this has caused much confusion. In particular, Chaos_Descending has been using Yevaud's avatar, and his personality, at least this week, has resembled Yevaud's to a certain extent. I say, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then dammit, it's a duck. Ergo, C_D and Yevaud are the same person. Using the transitive property, I can thereby conclude that SquaredBowl and C_D are identical entities.

Now, C_D is a self-professed Chaos devotee, which means that Squabie must be too. Empirical evidence gathered from the board supports the conclusion that Squabie is a force of Chaos.

Chaos is often defined as a force that is neither order nor disorder, but rather transcends this duality. And, as we showed earlier, Squabie also transcends the duality of male and female. This all sounds very Taoist to me; one of the fundamental properties of the Tao, as explained in the Tao Te Ching, is its transcendence of dualistic opposites. Thus it can be shown that Squabie exhibits the fundamental defining property of the Tao, which leads us to conclude that Squabie is the Tao.

Now, though the Tao, in essence, is beyond dualities, often expressed by Lao Tzu in terms of Yin and Yang, the actual manifestation of the Tao (i.e. the Te) is predominantly Yin. Yin is the feminine, passive, nourishing principle. Thus, while the essence of the Tao is beyond male and female, the actual expression or manifestation of the Tao is more feminine than masculine.

Concordantly, Squabie's essence (or the Form of The Squabie, in Platonic terms) is beyond masculinity and femininity. However, the earthly, sensible manifestation (which participates in the Platonic Form of Squabieness) is feminine. Thus, it can be provisionally concluded that SquaredBowl is a girl, but we must always keep in mind that "the Bowl that can be told is not the eternal Bowl", to rephrase the first line of the Tao Te Ching.

Arguement: Icy is a goddamn smacktard.

Conclusion: Since smacktards can't be right, Squabie must be male.

-MiB
Hmm...I didn't have to change my debate tactics at all...

Squabbie is a girl. This can be concluded by a simple process of elimination.

Squabbie frequently uses a female avatar. As the only people to use female avatars are either female or effeminate males like Ezelek and Eronarn, we have to examine and refute the possibility that Squabbie is a degenerate of that caliber.

One could argue Squabbie and Ero have much in common. If postcounts were women, both Ero's and Squabbies would have their legs spread wide and a box of assorted creams on the inside. However, unlike Squabbie, Ero both makes little sense and has angst comparable to the Alien blood that carves through hard steel like butter.

Now we must, despite how we might wish not to, compare Squabbie to Ezelek, our other resident sexual identify crisis victim incapable of living a normal life exposed to sunlight. This is far easier, however. I could talk to Squabbie at dinner for over 5 minutes without leaping across the table at Squabbie's throat with a butterknife.

Therefor the only conclusion to draw is that Squabbie is a girl and should give me a call sometime, sexy eyes.

I'll have worse than a butterknife when you get here, forevergrey. Watch your fucking back.

Btw, you're attached, fucktard. Don't go hitting on Squabie.

<3 of I-I473

Assuming you could lift it. Dont forget your arms are weak from bloodloss and the sorrow of being.

Also, this is supposed to be a fun little game where things arnt taken personally. As you've just proven yourself incapable of that, please exit stage left, kktkzbye

Okee, sounds fun! ^___^


And we all know how well that turned out.
Though then again, if WI comes in and ends this all with some post about how the fourth wall breaks down and we all become blathering idiots, it might get interesting after all.

:o
:-?
:-)
:D
Sweeeeeeeet.

::cracks knuckles::
8)


Yes, lets. (And let's over-quote while we're at it!)


I know some people who would pay good money for a radioactive atom like that....


:o
I am teh Squabie?
::pokes self/Squabie::
[Keanu]Whoa.[/Keanu]


See, that's the problem with you empiricist bastards. No room for imagination or self-determination. What about the ducks that may want to look like geese, walk like penguins, and quack like anteaters? Are they then not ducks? Would you deny them of their innate, in-born duck-hood? For shame, IcyMonkey, for shame! :x <--- Constipated Smiley. (Isn't that what you always think of when you see it?)

I would also like to point out that as C_D is an agent of Pure Chaos™ it is in fact less likely for him to be what he appears to be than for him to be something completely different. (Though not necessarily that which is furthest from that which he appears to be, since such would be predictable and thus, of course, singularly unchaotic.)

However, we shall allow your silly conclusion to stand for the moment, if only to twist this charade of an argument to my own devious ends at a later date. 8)


Now this is getting interesting....

And as I have no use for most of the rest of your farcical argument, it has been snipped, that people may more easily view the entirety of my Glorious Conclusion and all that It entails.

*ahem*

First, I should like to make the final, intuitive step on the road down which Comrade Icy began to tread but in the end was too fearful to see to its inevitable conclusion.

SquaredBowl = Yevaud333 = Chaos_Descending

That is to say, we are a singular entity, nevertheless composed of three parts. A Trinity, if you will.

Aside from the obvious benefits of being the hawt, badass lady-love of that One who at last brings the war between the Machines and Humans to an end, this status as a Trinity has other, more far-reaching and theological consequences which I shall enumerate shortly in as pedantically Architectural a manner as possible.

::is simultaneously jumped on by no less than twelve forumers::

Or not. –_–;;;

Alright, in the vulgate for you plebeians, then....

So yo, there's this Trinity in the sky, yo, I mean, in the Heavens, and they're ALL THAT, I mean they're, like, the Lord Almighty, who created the heavenly hosts, the world around us, all that is seen and unseen, and they're like, one but they are three, dawg, ya know what I'm sayin'?

...oh, fuck it, jump on me if you must, but I am not going to continue in that fashion, it is just too painful. Goatse.cs is as nothing before it, I tell you! >_<'

As I was saying (or trying to say, in that rubbish that attempted to pass as the English Language [blessed be its larcenous {c.f. kyhm's current sig quote} name]) Squabie, C_D, and myself are obviously the three parts of the Christian Holy Trinity; that is to say, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (amen). The task we are then faced with is to somehow determine which member of the Trinity each of us is.

As I predate both Squabie and C_D on these 'boards, I am obviously the one most well-suited to claim for my own that part of the godhead known as the Father. This claim is strengthened by my relation to C_D, as it was I who initiated him back when he first posted/walked among us and still bore the malformed moniker of "Chaos_Decending." By the customs of these forums, he would then most closely resemble my Son, and thus comprise that second third of the Trinity.

Finally, we are left with the trivial step of assigning Squabie to the last remaining position: the Holy Spirit. Ironically, this brings us back in some wise to the original question, that of the Spunky Girlchild's gender. As originally conceived of in some parts of the Hebrew Scriptures (aka "The Old Testament" in less anally PC circles) the God of the Good Book was not solely a masculine figure; indeed, parts of It were considered to be quite feminine. Its impregnation of the Virgin Mary notwithstanding, most signs point to these elements having been distilled and condensed into that portion of the godhead now referred to as the Holy Spirit.

Thus, we are left with SquaredBowl being, if not a girl, at least the closest thing to a girl that one can be while remaining part of the trio of beings which make up the singular whole of that Entity which started it all, and will emerge victorious at the end of the Final Battle. So start repentin' y'all, 'cause I know you been looking at Dominic's pr0n, and when that day comes the Lord's Fury shall rain down upon the wicked and they shall perish in the righteous flames.

WITH BURNINATION!

8)

...somehow I'm more confused now than before we started discussing this. Yet every argument I seen actually makes some kind of twisted sense. I am convinced that even though they are the one and the same, they are still at least two people or personalities. Gender confusion on such a scale as this is only possible through Multiple Personality Disorder which for some odd reason seems to be happening more frequently here. But then, if it is MPD then in a way it's not one entity for it has more than one consciousness. But then they are so similar that it has to be one person. But then...[size=0]...I need to drink more before debating...[/size]

:o

Well, I'm convinced.

...

Now now, Kali, no need to taunt Grey.

And Grey, no need to be an utter asshole.

*Wanders in and reads Yevvy's post*
*Asks the requisite "What's that got to do with the topic?"*
*Wanders out*

Assumptions:
A1. Yevaud333, Chaos_Descending and SquaredBowl are all part of some kind of trinity of chaos, androgony, and pedantery.

Proof:
P1. CHAOS_DESCENDING is an anagram of HE'S GOD INC. ASCEND! (Punctuation mine.)

P2. A corporation is defined as: Any group of persons united or regarded as united in one body.

P3. If they all share a single body, then we can assume the referent HE in (2) applies to any/all of the individuals in (A1).

Conclusions:
C1. All of the above are male.

C2. God has gone IPO. However, the buying and selling of God may lead to eternal burnination.

Well it's said that Yevaud can type a long entry about anything ... and if we don't settled Squabie's gender in this thread, at least we make that one point most utterly obviously clear.

Wow, Yev-dude. I am teh impressed. <3

Anyway, I feel (not too strongly, not too anything) that Squabie should decide for himself/herself what it is. As we have no proof of what ..it... is ... then it shall be left up to the user, ya?

In no particular order (well, not really)...

wolf346, you should try Multiple Personality Disorder sometime; two out of three of my personalities say it's a blast, and we're usually able to beat the third into submission whenever ve starts complaining. 8)

You tell 'em, Baron!

Ryven, I want you to discuss that tangent more vigorously and at length tomorrow.
...what?

Thinman, while I must disagree with your conclusions, your reasoning was truly a thing of beauty. Aspire on, young pedant!

And finally, nya nya, made you look!
<3 to Miao and darksetyuna. ^___^

And in case anyone starts getting bored with this topic of discussion... NEW SEED! (Which is not to say that you can't still speculate on Squabie's gender, I just felt like throwing something out, and that something is....)

Resolved: That IcyMonkey is, in fact, a chilly simian as depicted in his current avatar (courtesy of Madadric), and not the pasty-white purveyor of philosophical goodness that he has led us to believe.

This is really such a blatantly obvious fact that I see no reason to bore you all with my reasoning.

However, I can already hear some among your number starting to complain. "But Yevaud, we saw him, he was there, we watched the Matrix together!" To you I say: stop your whining, please. It's giving me a headache.

But since some small measure of explanation can be justifiably expected of even the most air-tight of assertions, I will leave you with this chain of reasoning:

1. IcyMonkey is a truly ridiculous name, and an even more ridiculous concept. (A lesser primate with not only the power of human cognition but also control over ice, snow, and frosty beverages? Give me a break!)

To those who would take issue with this assertion, I would point out that the poster himself has acknowledged this fact:

IcyMonkey wrote:
[/humble]Oh, and of course my character is like, teh best one evar. I somehow managed to turn a talking blue monkey into a SERIOUS PROTEGONIST. Go me. [humble]
So there. :P
2. Brian is a truly common name, and comes bearing a completely common backstory: that of a college student who likes to surf the net and champion unpopular philosophical viewpoints so as to avoid doing his homework.

3. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Ergo, the monkey is the truth, and the student is the fiction.

Easy as pie.
Now you try! 8)

(Oh, and for all of you who think you spent a happy afternoon with this "Brian" fellow while watching Revolutions and eating KFC and such, I would suggest that you have your heads examined right quick. Hallucinatory delusions are a dangerous thing but they can be treated successfully when caught early enough.)

To determin Squab's gender, we must simply reduce all arguments into algebreic equations.

Let us first set out a few varriables.
All women will be = 0
All men will be = 1

Therefore
Bigmacd24=1
Ero=1
MiB=1
Miaoming=0
etc.

We are looking to find the value of squab, so
squab=?
Well by looking at the source of squab, we can determin his origin.

Let us asume that squab is human, and therefore has 2 parents, a mother and a father. They will be represented as X (father) and Y(mother). For purpose of symetry, we shall refer to their child, Squabie, as Z. Now we know that children are the product of their parents, so:
X*Y=Z
and assuming that Squabs mother and father are of the apropriate sex's, we may sub in the following values.
X=1
Y=0
Now we simply need to solve the equation.
Z=1*0
Z=0
Therefore
Squab=0
and Squab's Sex is female.

Vis a vis! Yes, I know there's an accent there somewhere. Blah. Concordantly!

... I couldn't resist.

XD

This is an awesome topic.

Hey! He turned it over to me to run, is what happened to it.


Oh, guess that's all right then ^^. Just for the sake of Pedantry, I should note that we didn't *all* become mental patients, some simply committed suicide or accidentally stumbled down wells, and at least one of us escaped the reality completely by accepting its unreal nature and realizing he had a different form.


As for the Squabie thing, I'm seriously considering writing about a 5000-word or so post proving how Squabie is not only male, but is in fact the ultimate consciousness of the universe in which we all exist only as thoughts. Got to defend my stake to the "can write large amounts about anything" title from Yevaud ;) It all depends on how much TBoMAaW™ I have this week…