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Unique Powers Patent Office http://forums.kyhm.com/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=263	Page 3 of 6

Author:	Zergbait [ Sat Jun 08, 2002 6:00 am ]
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Walks into the UPPO humming the Tick theme song. Steps up to the reception desk... Z: I would like to patent a power please. /the receptionist looks around for where the voice originated from... R: Let me guess, Invisibility? Z: No. What gave you that idea? R: I can't see you. Z: What? Oh sorry... /there's a pause, followed by some grumbling as a small humanoid pulls himself up onto the counter Z: I want to patent these. /pulls out a pair of futuristic looking guns R: Allright then. Are they lasers? Z: No, they're Zap guns R: There's a difference? Z: Absolutly, Zap guns zap. Lasers laz. R: Right..sure. Anything else. /Zergbait blinks and gives a confused look at the receptionist. Z: Should there be? R: I don't know. These are you powers after all. Z: Oh right...er...hmmmm. Well I'm baffled by human customs and language. Does that count? R: I would think that more a personal problem than a power. Z: Oh...I see..hmmmm R: Well, why don't you take these forms and go over to the chairs. Should you think of anything you can write them down. Z: Sure, okay... /Zergbait turns and starts to climb down off the counter but pauses and looks at the receptionist slightly confused Z: What's a chair? R: sigh Why me? _________________ FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Zergbait on 2002-06-08 06:01 ]</font>

Author:	Urban Wild Cat [ Sat Jun 08, 2002 6:06 am ]
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UWC finally finishes filling out forms and saunters over to the rceptionist, and hands them over. She's still looking at the Riding Crop(tm). UWC: Something I can help you with? Receptionist: Ummm... No... UWC: Oh, Okay. Bye then! He winks, then D-jumps out of there, a faint ionization of the air particles by the upsilon field the only trace of his exit. The Receptionist sighs, and shifts in her chair.

Author:	Clay_Allison [ Sat Jun 08, 2002 6:50 am ]
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Clay Turns in paperwork to the receptionist C: "Here, you go." R: "Are these filled out in ENGLISH!?! C: "Of course not." R: "Then what...?" C: "Sanscrit." R: "WHAT?!?" C: "There's no law that says that a Gunslinger can't have a PHD in ancient languages." R:"GGRRRRRR....." C:"Bye now."

Author:	themadthinker [ Sat Jun 08, 2002 4:04 pm ]
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TMT finally finishes his stack of papers, and hands them to receptionist Gaah, brain melting, too many forms and stumbles out of the building

Author:	Poisoned mind [ Sat Jun 08, 2002 5:01 pm ]
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Walks up to the desk Mind: Yeah, i'd like to patent a power Receptionist: What a surprise. You're in a patent office and you say you want to patent something. Mind: Ermm...Yeah...Well anyway i have an ability to step out of shadows Receptionist: Yes most people have that ability its called walking into the sunlight. Mind: Not exactly. I can step out of shadows. even if i wasn't there to begin with. i can also step into them and disappear. Receptionist: Ok then fill these in and return them when your done. Mind: Can i also patent my Ninja skills or are they just talents. I mean i can deflect bullets with my sword. Receptionist: Sorry thats more of an ability. You'll have to go to the ability patenting office for that. Mind: Ah...ok then. Slides down into a shadow under the counter Reappears from under a chair on the other side of the room and sits down. Mind: Wow filling in forms takes me back to my days in ninja school.

Author:	Zergbait [ Sun Jun 09, 2002 8:05 am ]
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/races up to the reception desk and climbs up on top Z:I got it! I have a small army of robots onboard my UFO. They're programmed for repair and janitorial work, but I'm sure I can reprogram them! R: Riiiiiight, whatever. Now go sit down and fill out he paperwork, your holding up the line. Z: glances behind him They seem firmly affixed to the ground. R: sigh I could have had a nice boring job working for a lawyer, but nooooooo. I had to do something interesting and different.sigh

Author:	The Sinister Chris [ Tue Jun 11, 2002 1:55 am ]
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/Chris1 looks at the rest of the Chris' TSC1: I'm done! Rest: Yep, same here, etc... TSC1: All right, you guys piss off. The other 5 TSC clones leave /Chris looks at the pile of papers I shoulda had them help me... oh well! /Chris grabs the pile and, under the massive weight of the forms, stumbles over to the counter /Chris drops them in the "In" box /Receptionist looks at the pile R: Thank you. Not a problem. /Chris wanders to a random corner I'll be here if anyone needs help with forms! I was drunk when I posted this, The Sinister Chris

Author:	Olpainless [ Thu Jun 20, 2002 9:26 am ]
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/Olpainless walks into the office, and slides up a chair, waiting for the receptionist to finish dealing with Zergbait. Olpainless: Hi, I'd like to patent a couple of things please... Receptionist: Yes? Olpainless: Well, look into my left eye. /The receptionist gazes into Olpainless's eye. Receptionist: And? Olpainless: Look closer. /Again the receptionist looks. On closer inspection, the eye is in fact an exceptional mechanical eye, with millions of copper filaments snaking across the surface of the mechanical iris. Receptionist: Very nice. But its not a power, and what does it do, anyway? Olpainless: Oh, it amplifies a couple of things... Receptionist: Like? /Olpainless looks directly into the receptionists eye, and mechanisms within the mechaeye shift and whirr. A light flashes from within, and the receptionist appears hypnotised. Olpainless: So, will you fill out these forms for me? R: Of course. O: And while your at it... strip for the next applicant. R: OK. /The receptionist starts filling out forms at an incredible rate. O: Oh, wait, one thing... /Mechanisms within the eye once again move, and a small red crystal shifts into place. A beam of red-hot light snakes from the eye, signing a name on the forms. O: Thanks for the help, bye! /Olpainless walks off, while the receptionist works. O: Can't beat an optic blast...

Author:	Clay_Allison [ Thu Jun 20, 2002 10:06 am ]
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Walks in "hey, I forgot to..." <img src="http://users.chariot.net.au/~zort/images/dropjaw.gif" width="30" height="200"> "Nevermind..." <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Clay_Allison on 2002-06-20 10:07 ]</font>

Author:	bigmacd24 [ Thu Jun 20, 2002 11:29 am ]
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ooc: that picture has posibilities....

Author:	Olpainless [ Thu Jun 20, 2002 11:40 am ]
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/Olpainless walks in again. Olpainless: Did I mention this eye has an inbuilt camera? the jack plugs somewhere near my ear... /A white flash emits from the eye as a large conglomerate of people watch the now-dancing receptionist. Olpainless: Hmm? Is this thing set on high-power? Damn... it'll take a day or so to wear off. Enjoy the show, guys! /Me walks off, scratching the side of my head.

Author:	VandalHeart [ Sat Jun 29, 2002 7:00 am ]
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VandalHeart steps into the office, only to be greeted by the sight of a stripping receptionist. "Now why can't every office building have one of these?" Grabbing some forms from the desk, he proceeds to quckly and thoroughly fill them out. "Let's see here...Xalheren Rune Blade Technique....that covers damn near everything right there I think... I don't think mad skillz is patentable... what about... no no too mundane... can I patent sexy bastard... no... didn't think so... Rune of Summoning? Well... since it is pretty limited, only working on my sword and all... alright, if only for completeness... I know.. the Mark of Order... yeah there we go. Ok, now what's next.... details.. oh great..." Xalheran Rune Blade Technique: By altering the manner in which energy flows through a series of Quicksilver Runes inscribed on the blade and the wielder, various powers and effects can be achieved. The amount is theoretically infinite, but each power must be created by the wielder himself, and each must be painstakingly memorized and practiced. Mark of Order: The Mark of Order is a Rune, inscribed upon the flesh of the wielder's back. A defensive magic, it protects the bearer form the effects of natural wild magic, chaotic effects, Wyld effects and the like. The warp ha little power, the same for any inherantly chaotic magic. Creatures of pure chaotic nature find it uncomfortable to be near the bearer. Rune of Summoning: The Rune of Summoning is one which is used to bring something forth from somewhere else. In this case, it is a limited use magic, able only to summon the attached rune blade. The item is pulled directly, and may not be blocked, except with magic, at least as far as is known. VandalHeart sighed and walked back to the desk, where the receptionist still continued her dance for the seeming enjoyment of the office's patrons. Laying the papers on the desk, he quickly left before the woman could come back to her senses and reprimand him for any mistakes made on the forms. _________________ The character formerly known as Drachen <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: VandalHeart on 2002-06-29 07:17 ]</font>

Author:	BandMan2K [ Wed Jul 03, 2002 1:02 pm ]
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Drives up on an old Harley Knucklehead. I enter the UPPO and sees everyone else in here. I walk up to the receptionist and place my bottle of Scotch on the desk. 'Excuse me, which forms do I have to fill out for a power patent?' She points at a massive stack of papers. Stupid question asshole. 'Thank you.' I look back at her as she's doing some gymnastic moves while naked. An evil smile creeps across my face as I enjoy the view then go sit down with my papers and fill them out as fast as I can. 'Damn, this is going to take me forever...I know!' I go back to the desk, take my Scotch and put it away in my trenchcoat jacket. From the other jacket, I pull out some Schlitz and down it in 3 gulps. I head back to my papers just as the Schlitz starts to take effect. When it does, I take a sip of my Scotch and take off my jacket. The next thing anyone knows I transform into Uncle Pervy in his human form. I reach into my back pocket for the Hentai Manga and when I read it, I begin the transformation into the Ultimate form of Pervy...the 30 foot tall tentacle monster. Thankfully that sip of Scotch kept The Duck in control. I grab some 40 pens and start filling out the papers needed for the patents. Everyone seems to be shocked at these turn of events, but I just shrug them off. [Demonic Voice]Don't worry, I'm in control of Pervy. No need to think about being forced raped...except for the receptionist.[/Demonic Voice] While I'm finishing up the forms, 10 tentacles reach outwards and grapple the receptionist then proceed to restrain her and fill every orafice. The feelings I'm getting off of her are delicious as I complete the forms. The other tentacles grab the forms and I go to the desk. While she's in the highest forms of ecstacy, I put the forms in the "IN" box then after reducing her to a limp human after multiple orgasms, I let her down gently. I slither back to my table, grab my jacket and consume the rest of the Scotch. Within seconds, I return back to normal with my normal clothes back on. I put my jacket back on and head out except for the receptionist getting enough energy and brain matter working to give me her number and address for another "rendevous" I graciously accept and head out waving to everyone there as I take off again on my Harley. OOC: Ok, here's the specifics on Pervy. 1st stage - U.P. in human form. Looks like a fat guy with corduroy pants, tight polo shirt and coke bottle glasses. Looks like that one uncle in everyone's families that seems to enjoy being around kids WAY too much. 2nd stage - U.P. in Tentacle form (Ultimate Form) Characterized by snake-like Lower Body and human Upper Body. Head is that of Howard the Duck. (Fedora hat, sunglasses, Cigar in Bill) Has 40 tentacles, 10 on either side and 10 on the left and right sides of his back. Spines flow down his back. The tail can be used as the Ultimate Weapon, shall we say. The ooze flowing from the tentacles has special properties. If it hits a person that's very sexually liberated or as such, then it becomes a powerful aphrodesiac. If it hits someone that's sexually repressed (Christian Right for example) it will be 10x worse than HCL. During this entire time, U.P. can extract energy from his victims, giving him more power. If he gets enough power he could concievably go up to a 3rd Stage, but until then, his max is 2nd stage. Weaknesses - Extreme cold and apparantly some torture devices. Just be careful because some of the torture devices could power him up more. (very kinky guy) There you go, Uncle Pervy in his entirity

Author:	Mr. Ix [ Tue Jul 23, 2002 5:23 am ]
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A man of medium height and build enters the office. A small breastplate is strapped to his chest, chainmail underneath. A black, rune-etched scabbard hangs from his swordbelt, a strange looking handle sticking out of the top. Dusting off his dark brown, thick leather breeches with gauntlet encased hands, Valin strides toward the desk of a euphoric looking receptionist. The receptionist, still recovering, looks up at this man with glazed eyes, barely notcing the silver streaks in his short, black hair. She simply states, "Yes?" as she wipes a sticky substance from the corners of her mouth. The noble face of Valin raises an eyebrow slightly before his loud baritone voice brings notice to his need of a patent for his blade. The reception, glancing down to his side notices the strange handle and replies, "Ok, so what's special about this one?" "This, madam, is the Spiffsilver Blade. Do not inquire as to where, by whom, or how it was named please... It never dulls, never stains, never breaks. It has the ability to change it's shape into that of any blade it has encountered in battle. It also negates any magic that touches it, including but not limited to magical force fields, fireballs, illusions and the like." "Mmmhmm... here, fill out these forms" she says and hands Valin a small stack of forms. "Another thing, am I able to patent extremely strange, but good luck? No need to answer now, I will return after filling out these forms." Stalking off to fill the forms, Valin sees a few friendlies in the room, immediately dropping the cold exterior among buddies he sits and begins scribling quickly.

Author:	Rand Al'Tor [ Tue Jul 23, 2002 5:52 am ]
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A chainmailed man comes in, lips moving a bit. He goes to the counter. "I'd like to put a patent on a skilled swordsman Voice in my head that makes me able to handle the sword expertely and occasionally use limited magic." The receptionist looks sceptical. "In other words, you're a schizo nutball." "No I'm not... it's just" grabs his head "just..." looks up again "I do not have the time for this woman. Just give me the..." grbas his sword and puts it against her neck at high speed, stopping only a centimeter. "pape..." lowers the sword. "Damn it. Stop taking over damn it. I'm sorry. Really sorry. He sometimes does that. Can I have the papers now?" takes the papers and goes filling them out

Author:	Mr. Ix [ Fri Jul 26, 2002 2:38 am ]
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Mr. Ix strolls in wearing his customary jeans and t-shirt. Seeing the receptionist staring him down as he approaches he takes a moment to smack a sitting warrior in the head. Ignoring Valin's grunt, Mr. Ix sidles up to the receptionist. "Hey, I'd like to patent my mini-bar... it's stolen, and never runs out of precious life-giving liquor, don't ask me why. I shoved it out of a second story hotel window and went binge drinking... opened it up in the mornin and it was full again... I think it's liquor fairies... I'ma catch one and make it tell me where the stash is..." The receptionist shoves the nearest papers at Mr. Ix, attempting to shut him up with forms. "Fill this out and piss off." After giving her the one-finger salute, Mr. Ix strolls over to a desk and starts fillin crap out.

Author:	Ring Kichard [ Mon Aug 19, 2002 2:14 pm ]
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A man of regal appearance with a Rolex and a loosely hanging designer suit backs through the door somewhat awkwardly, as if injured. His briefcase is a tattered ruin and he seems to be limping. ::He looks around:: "Er, is this...?" "Who the hell are you?" A voice comes from behind one of the innumerable piles of forms. "I’m a spoonerism, and a gymnastic one at that." The Receptionist looks up, "You don’t look like a gymnast, and you’re too clever for your own good." "Well, no, I’m learn-" ::A pile of papers and legal reference books nearly collapses on the stranger:: ::He jumps into the air and lands on empty space, falls back and catches more empty space above and behind him, pulls himself up, stands in an awkward ready posture favoring one leg, and slowly sinks to the ground as his hands and feet stop giving off a crisp white light:: The receptionist only comments, "You tore your suit," pauses, "and your Rolex is fake." "Yeah. It is. Can I patent, anyway?" "No, a fake Rolex is not a power." "I meant my ability to stand and swing on empty space." "What do I care? Just don’t stand on the ceiling." ::He looks down at his bloodstained loafers:: "This is a lot less glamorous than I thought it would be." "Yes." ::He tries awkwardly to make conversation:: "It doesn’t work like that, you know." "Fine." "I mean, it doesn’t reverse gravity, it’s just like there’s things to grab on to everywhere, that’s all." "Fine." "And I’m learning the math to conjure simply shaped objects, but it’s hard. I can make a rose with polar co-ordinates..." "Look, if I cared about it, I could read your paperwork, right?" "So do I just take a pile?" "They’re all pretty much the same. You can have yours after you clean up the mess you made." "I didn’t knock over that pile!" "You’re acting like I care." ::He walks over to the mess on the floor and begins cleaning it up, mumbling something about sexually repressed receptionists.:: <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ring Kichard on 2002-08-19 14:16 ]</font>

Author:	B [ Wed Aug 28, 2002 5:23 pm ]
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B walks up to the receptionist, and clears his throat. "Yeah, I'd like to patent a power..." "Thats what most people come here for, buddy," quipps the receptionist, "what's your power?" "Well, I can harness electricity from nearby sources or electrical devices, then use it to augment my physical abilities... observe" B concentrates, and a bolts fly from nearby lights and clocks, striking him. He pulls back and punches a convienently placed board. The board splinters and catches fire, as if struck by lightning. The receptionist hands B a stack of forms. "Thank you!" B walks around and begins filling the forms out.

Author:	actor_au [ Mon Sep 02, 2002 5:02 pm ]
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A stange trobbing noise is heard in the office as suddenly a blue police box materialises in the center of the room. The doors open and two men emerge, both look similar and have a hawk on their left shoulder. Actor the first:"Thanks for the lift Doctor." Actor the Third:"Yeah thanks." /Actor looks at the two newcommers in shock. Actor: Who the hell are you two? A1: Your great great great grandfather. I fought in medieval times. A3: Your great great grandson. Im from the future. Actor: What the hell are you guys doing here then? A1: You use mostly modern guns that didn't exist way back in my age and avoid magic which is a definate no-no when fighting dragons. A3: And most of your arsenal are pretty useless in my time as well. The Receptionist looks on in horror as the two of them approach her desk. R: Gods more of this crazy clan. A1: I've got an Eagle which can lend me its eyes to give me a tactical edge in fighting, as well as attack my enemies. I've also got this rune stone thingy which summons insane protestors to where ever I am to protest the existance of GTA3, they can get pretty violent at times and usually attack my enemies if I can convince them that they are "lunitic lenninists who are selling our childrens future." I've also got a sword that can talk called Saber. Its pretty sharp and I think it might become David Hassolhof in its next life. R: Your family seems to be stuck with that guy a lot. A3: Tell me about it. I've got the Eagle, Saber as well, some standard guns and.. well R: What. /A3 lifts shirt shows a wound under his heart. A3: Its the final cut. R: Whats that mean? A3: If anyone hits me there, I die but so do they. If I'm hit anywhere else the wound is transfered to this one. It means I can't lose limbs or suffer from internal problems but I still die if hurt to much. Also if I hit anyone with a bladed weapon it gets worse. I cannot heal it, I can get out about three-four attacks with a melee weapon before the pain makes it impossible to go on. R: Thats gotta be the weirdest thing today. /She looks around at the people gathered. R: Wait sorry my mistake. Actor: You two get your forms and sit down. A1: Shut up or I won't have kids see how much you complain then. Actor: I'll be good. Actor.

Author:	Ghost [ Mon Sep 02, 2002 5:48 pm ]
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::Kitsune stops the bike he grabbed from the MickeyD's in front of the UPPO, then walks inside:: Interesting crowd. ::Walks up to the Receptionist:: I need to patent a power. R: Yeah, and these jerkoffs don't? Look, you idiot, I don't care what you can do! As long as it doesn't involve having me strip, raping every known eregious zone in my body, breaking my desk, or otherwise hurting my person and the stuff I use, I wouldn't give a rat's sorry little fuck what you could do! Now take these papers and patent your damn power! ::Receptionist breathes:: R: . . . One more thing. ahem What is it you do, so I can make sure you're not wasting my time with these forms? ::Kitsune blinks at the mood swing:: Well, I can pop things in and out of space. And I can instantly learn anything I want to learn. R: Well, that first one is already copyrighted by a . . . Mr. Chris. ::Points to the corner:: No, no . . . it's not hammerspace. I don't have anywhere I put them, and I don't reach anywhere to get them, they just pop up when I need them. R: Okay, whatever. Here, take these papers and sign them all. ::Receptionist hands Kit a huge stack of forms, making Kitsune stagger:: ::Kitsune waddles under the weight towards the corner:: Uh, hey . . . Mister Chris? I could use a hand with this stuff . . . But I dunno how you're gonna copy my signature . . .

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