Unique Powers Patent Office
Page 4 of 6

Author:  MiaoMing [ Sat Sep 07, 2002 10:01 pm ]
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MiaoMing saunters in and spots Kitsune.
"KIT!!!" She leaps into his arms, which are unfortunately filled with forms. The forms go flying every which way, earning her irritated glares from the rest of the people in the room. "Ooops..." She snaps her fingers, and Kit's forms go back into a neat pile, which flies back to his arms as Miao jumps back out. "Sorry about that," Miao says as she smooches Kit on his cheek, then walks over to the receptionist.
Miao: "I'd like to patent the power I just demonstrated... being able to snap my fingers and return a (mentally) specified object to where it was. I can do it up to three hours or so, but I'm working on it-"
Receptionist: (Rudely cuts her off) "Fine, fine, just fill out those forms there." (Points to a pile of papers nearby)
MiaoMing grabs the papers and heads over to where Kitsune is frantically scribbling.
OOC: Sorry, I don't watch anime or read manga a lot, so if that power's already taken, just let me know ^_^

Author:  k_d [ Sun Sep 08, 2002 2:46 pm ]
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*k_d walks in to the UPPO and sees a ROYALLY pissed off receptionist*

Um, I'd like to patent my gun skills.

Receptionist: And what skills would that be?

Not much really. Using my pistol, I can hit a moving torso-sized target from a hundred yards away and tend to hit the target with quarter-sized accuracy. I can hit a still target blind, with dime-sized accuracy, with either of my hands, but my right hand is the better shot. <OOC>I'm almost as good in real life!</OOC>

*The receptionist is getting visibly frustrated.*

Receptionist: Is there anything other than muscle-memory you use for this task?

Um, not really no.

Receptionist: THEN WHAT ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME FOR!? That's not a POWER! That's just an ability! Get the hell out of my sight!

*k_d is not at all surprised by this outburst*

Can I demonstrate anyway, for the hell of it?

Receptionist: NO!

Oh well.

*As k_d makes his way out, he sees a standard-sized clock at the other end of the room. Pulling his pistol out of his back pocket and spinning it until his arm is pointed at the clock, he fires six shots in a matter of seconds and sees the clock get blown to pieces. Not even bothering to check his accuracy, k_d heads out, knowing that there are six bullet-sized holes in the face of the clock in a small circle around the 12.*

Man, that felt good.

Blowing the smoke from the barrel.

[EDIT: Clarifying the description]

Where will I go when I die? I dunno, but I sure hope it isn't hell -- I've been living in it all my life.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: k_d on 2002-09-08 14:49 ]</font>

Author:  The Sinister Chris [ Mon Sep 09, 2002 1:44 am ]
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(So you are that accurate in real life with pistols? Rock on! I'm scary with a rifle. Best with a .22. We're talking WAY too accurate...)

/Chris walks over to Kitsune

Sure, I can help out.

/Chris takes the top half and sends it through a rift

/Chris grabs the bottom half and does the same

Kit: What the?

Don't worry. Give it about thirty seconds.

*Thirty seconds later a rift opens next to the receptionists desk and the stack of papers comes through the rift, completed*

Receptionist: Thats it! I quit this shitty job!

*The receptionist storms out of the building*

Wow, what a bitch!

Author:  Ghost [ Tue Sep 10, 2002 2:43 pm ]
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::Kitsune blinks::

Yeah, I wonder what her problem is? I mean, it's not like we did anything bad to her . . .

::Looks around suddenly, then slaps his head::

Oh, fuck. I forgot who I was talking about for a second.

::His brain clicks audibly::

Hey, wait . . . If she leaves, who's gonna file the paperwork?!

Chris: Relax, Kit, don't worry about it. I can handle it.

Oh. Okay. That's good, then.

Author:  Mr. Ix [ Sat Sep 14, 2002 5:05 pm ]
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After finishing all the damn papers Mr. Ix strolls up to the desk and plops em down. He looks around momentarily for the bitch of a receptionist but gives up pretty quick. Again on the way out, he smacks Valin upside his head.

"Do it again and you'll lose an arm Ixyn."

Mr. Ix rolls his eyes and strolls back out, his stolen mini-bar rollin along behind him.

Author:  Mr. Ix [ Mon Sep 16, 2002 5:08 pm ]
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[OOC: Bringin in another character, Valin is for old-school swordfighting and what-not, Valintino (Val), is for modern shoot-em-up threads. /OOC]

A man looking almost exactly like Valin strolls in, he's about average height and a little more than average muscular build. He's decked out in blue and black combat fatigues like a SWAT member might be. Weapons of all sorts hang in holsters and from straps, ammo filling many of the pockets.

"Anyone know where I go to patent my abilities?"

TSC gives him a strange look, "Uh yeah, hangon." Just then another TSC pops up outta nowhere. "He'll help ya."

The new TSC walks up to Val, "Yeah, whatcha need?"

Val, eyeing the newcomer says, "Ok, I need forms for my ability to instantly memorize everything I see-"

TSC cuts him off, "Photographic memory isn't exactly an ability."

"Well, I also process everything I see extremely fast, and react to it however I want, ie: extremely fast reflexes. For example, I could spot a fly, draw my gun, and put three caps in his ass between two beats of 'is wings. Which means I can also move VERY fast. Also, I have insane regeneration similar to the late great Eric Draven, of The Crow. I was brought back in much the same way, but I've kinda got a permanent lease on this new life. Oh yeah, I can do magic too I think, just haven't figured it out yet."

"Damn, ok, take these *plop* and fill em out, just toss em in the basket when yer done."

Val, hefting the stack of forms says, "Thanks bud." and goes to fill em out.

Author:  Riuku [ Fri Sep 20, 2002 5:48 pm ]
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*war walks in yells* HIYA PEOPLE! *tons of agitated stairs are drawn to him* ok *walks up to the reseptionist desk* hello, can i plz regester my powers? (TSC) "sure whatca got?"
*war puts his hand on his chin* well i am phycic sortta, and i can watch an attack and then pay it over and over in my head untill i know how to do it. umm i can play with peoples heads by locking them in their own subconcious. um and um, oh yeah i got a teleporter *shows chris the controler*
(TSC) "Fine jist fill these out" chris says handing war a rather arg stack of papers.

Author:  RagnarokZ [ Tue Oct 22, 2002 2:45 pm ]
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A tall guy with glasses wearing a lab coat walks in.

(RagnarokZ)I would like to Patent some powers.

(TSC)Okay, i'll have to know what your powers are.

(RRZ)I have the power to suck wasted energy in to myself.


(RRZ)I live on the enrgy people send out when they do something aggresive or insane/crazy. Normally that energy will be wasted, but when I'm nearby it will be sucked into me.

(TSC)Okay. (Gives him a hell of a lot of forms)

(RRZ)Oh, yeah. Forgot to say, i use the energy in differnt attack. But they does not matter. It's just huge amounts of Energy.

(Sits down and starts filling papers out at high speed)

Author:  VandalHeart [ Tue Nov 05, 2002 3:48 pm ]
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Steps in, his clothes shreaded and mangled.

"there, that's what I need."

Grabbign a stack of papers, Vandal scribles down some notes, waving a hand dismissively at the door as a resounding triple bark carries inside.

"There we go, that covers my new partner. Cerberus of course. What? Don't you read these things?"

Author:  Shao-Fin [ Thu Nov 07, 2002 5:13 am ]
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*Shao walks into the room office and walks up to the desk ignoring everyone else.

Hi, i would like to patent the power of Density Control. this power allows me to change my density and weight anywhere from .000001 of a pound to 200 tons at any given moment. :smile:

*Shao is handed the forms and sits down in a chair crushing it*

woops, lol, forgot to lower my weight there, heh

*Shao goes to a diff chair and sits down lightly and goes to work on the forms*

Author:  Parallax [ Sun Nov 10, 2002 8:59 pm ]
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*H-Kat walks in, carring a large canvas sack over his shoulder, and a bottle of beer.*

Hey, I'd like to copyright this.

*As he drops the package on the floor, he stares at the bottle.*

I can turn anythig into something sex, alcohol, or drug related.

*He opens the sack, and a catgirl falls out. She looks up at him, with nothing but spite in her eyes.*

"You promised a taco."

No taco. you will submit to the powers of the bottle.

"What powe"

*The catgirls head snap, where she finds the Catnip Coors deluxe vibrator w/multiple attachments.*

*He grins.*

Will your Janitors take care of the mess?


Author:  Ezelek [ Mon Nov 11, 2002 10:47 am ]
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The sliding doors that marked the entrance to the office open soundlessly, and the only evidence that someone had even bothered to enter through them was the small string of curses, as the new player had fallen over upon her arrival. Groaning to herself, she slowly pushed up onto her knees, rocking back slightly, bringing up a gloved hand to rub her forehead, pushing her lilac-coloured bangs out of her vision. Grumbling under her breath, she stumbled to her feet, nearly falling back over due to the weight of the mammoth sword strapped to her back. Suprisingly, she made it all the way to the desk without falling over again, although each step had the familiar sway of someone heavily under the influence of alcohol. Leaning heavily on the hard surface, which she tapped a few times, just to make sure it was stable, she peered across at TSC with her fluctuating jade-azure mix eyes, almost slits due to her drunken state.

"Hey..." She slurred out, rocking back and forth slightly in her spot, the only thing keeping her stable being the death-grip she had on the desk. "You're not my mother." Before TSC even had a chance to reply, she cut him off, slamming a gloved fist down on the desk, jumping slightly at the sound. "Don't even think about denying it! You're not... Where the hell am I?" TSC sighed to himself, shaking his head slightly. It was going to be one of those days.

"You're at the Unique Powers Patent Office." He said in a rather bored tone, a phrase that he'd been repeating for quite some time now. "This is where you can come to register any unique powers you have, to protect them from being plagurized... Well, that's the theory behind it, anyway." Raising an eyebrow, the young female grinned, showing off her pearly white teeth, showing that she had slightly larger canines than a normal human. Reaching over her shoulder, she gripped the hilt of her large blade, and gave a grunt of exertion, trying to pull it over and onto the desk with one hand, but she failed miserably. Quickly giving up, she leaned in closely, and spoke in a low whisper, like what she had to say was a big secret.

"I've gotta big sword..." She declared, indicating the obvious weapon with a jerk of her thumb over her left shoulder. TSC sighed again, and nodded his head, going along with the crazy lady for the meantime.

"Yes. I can see that." He replied to her, trying to ignore the stink of booze that heavily laced her breath. "But a big sword isn't really unique, now is it? Nor is it a power." Thinking briefly about vomiting on TSC, the woman nodded slowly, before opening her mouth to reply to him, standing there slack-jawed as she racked her brains for the correct words.

"Yea. You're right.... But I can also make pretty fire." She smiled at that thought... Flames were so pretty and sparkly, they made everything warm and fuzzy and huggable! Raising an eyebrow, TSC swallowed a third sigh, and promted her for more information about her pretty fire making skills. "It's like... Taking other stuff... Like the stuff that makes up the floor, the desk, the walls, your head... And re-altering it as energy, to make the pretty fire. Is that special enough...?" She narrowed her eyes dangerously, even though they were half-closed already. "It it's not, I can always give you a personal demonstration." Shaking his head in amusement at the petty threat, TSC handed over some forms, and nodded his head in the direction of a seat and small table.

"You can fill these forms out over there, bring them back when you're done, Miss...?" Realising that she had never introduced herself, she stuck a gloved hand over the desk to shake TSC's, grinning inanely.

"Kenko. Hino Kenko." Kenko continued to grin, as she shuffled the forms, moving off to begin filling them out as best she could in her current state.

Don't worry, Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of tighter pants than this.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ezelek on 2002-11-11 09:51 ]</font>

Author:  Xanilus [ Mon Nov 11, 2002 11:06 am ]
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*Jen, the secretary, strode into the UPPO. A pissed smirk on her face, she walked right up to the counter.*

TSC: "Yeah, what do ya... Oh, it's you."

Jen: "My power. I'm patenting it."

TSC: "Your what with the hey now?" *he starts to smile, amused*

Jen: "My power. Give me the forms."

TSC: "Haha... Sure, hun... and what ARE these powers? Huh? Can you..."

*Jen snaps her fingers and TSC's eyes widen and his hands fly to his crotch in pain. He then is lifted into the air by an unknown force and hurled out the doors.

Jen walks slowly around the desk and takes her seat once more, adjusting her glasses and pulling out the correct forms.*

"I have the power to keep this job...

<b>By any means necessary.</b>

And that, as they say, is that.

Author:  Riuku [ Mon Nov 11, 2002 7:53 pm ]
Post subject: 

On 2002-11-07 04:13, Shao-Fin wrote:
*Shao walks into the room office and walks up to the desk ignoring everyone else.

Hi, i would like to patent the power of Density Control. this power allows me to change my density and weight anywhere from .000001 of a pound to 200 tons at any given moment. :)

*Shao is handed the forms and sits down in a chair crushing it*

woops, lol, forgot to lower my weight there, heh

*Shao goes to a diff chair and sits down lightly and goes to work on the forms*

OCCsomeone watches way to much super friends. that's the martian man hunter's power. i cant remember his nome tho, i think it was jhon sumtin.OCC

*walks over and sits next to the drunk crazy lady.* hay baby how bout i help with thoes forms and then we go for some pizza and sex... *kenko glares at him.!!!WAM!!! Riuku gets punched across the room and into the wall.* (in meager voice) what you dont like pizza.

OCC heheheheheheheheh OCC

"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives man wings." Max Payne

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Riuku on 2002-11-11 19:03 ]</font>

Author:  BandMan2K [ Tue Nov 12, 2002 1:32 pm ]
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The distant sounds of a 50's era Harley-Davidson "Knucklehead" motorcycle roar louder and louder as the Duck pulls up to the UPPO.

He cuts the engine and rest the Iron Horse on it's kickstand as he dismounts and pulls his Porkpie hat out of the Saddlebag. (Never wears Helmet) He walks in and everyone either gives a roar of acceptance to him or cower thinking he might become ol' Pervy once again.

He shakes hands with the people there and waves to those out of his reach. He walks up to Jen who immediately recognizes him and starts getting "Hot and Bothered" at the memories of what happened the last time he transformed in the Office.

"Hey Darling...how can I help you today?"

'Well, I was hoping that you can help me with an addendum that I need to add to my Patent.'

"Sure Ducky. Let me pull up your record so I can add to it."

Jen's fingers fly across the keyboard and brings up this:

1st stage - U.P. in human form. Looks like a fat guy with corduroy pants, tight polo shirt and coke bottle glasses. Looks like that one uncle in everyone's families that seems to enjoy being around kids WAY too much.

2nd stage - U.P. in Tentacle form (Ultimate Form) Characterized by snake-like Lower Body and human Upper Body. Head is that of Howard the Duck. (Fedora hat, sunglasses, Cigar in Bill)
Has 40 tentacles, 10 on either side and 10 on the left and right sides of his back. Spines flow down his back. The tail can be used as the Ultimate Weapon, shall we say.
The ooze flowing from the tentacles has special properties. If it hits a person that's very sexually liberated or as such, then it becomes a powerful aphrodesiac. If it hits someone that's sexually repressed (Christian Right for example) it will be 10x worse than HCL. During this entire time, U.P. can extract energy from his victims, giving him more power. If he gets enough power he could concievably go up to a 3rd Stage, but until then, his max is 2nd stage.

Weaknesses -
Extreme cold and apparantly some torture devices. Just be careful because some of the torture devices could power him up more. (very kinky guy)

"Ok, what do you need changed?"

'Well I can't see the screen very well, can I come around the desk to see?'

"Baby, you can do anything with me."
*Mischevious Grin*

'I'll have to remember that, Jen.'

The Duck walks around the desk and looks over Jen's shoulder, while putting one hand on said shoulder. She gets a shiver and goosebumps all over.

'Ok, I need you to change the description of Pervy. His face no longer looks like a Duck, but is in fact Human with Red Eyes, Spikey White hair and an air of sophistication about him.'


'Now for his powers. He no longer has stages, but different modes. When he drinks Schlitz beer only, he has blue skin and is super strong. If he mixes the Schlitz with Cougar Bourbon he'll change to Red skin with Blue eyes and then has the ability to block a lot of attacks as well as using his own energy to create metaphysical projectiles. His trademark finishing move in this mode is The Money Shot.'

"Now THAT'S something I'll have to check out. How about my place, tonight around 10?"

'That I can do...and you too. Thank you baby.'
*Kisses Jen's cheek*

He extricates himself from behind her desk and with a wave of his hand, he departs through the doors to then start up his Knucklehead and to ride off...that is until he makes it to Jen's place that night for some kinky sex.

Now for the updated info:

Bandman2k's Powers: Uncle Pervy
1st mode - U.P. in human form. Looks like a fat guy with corduroy pants, tight polo shirt and coke bottle glasses. Looks like that one uncle in everyone's families that seems to enjoy being around kids WAY too much. (This doesn't change)

2nd mode - U.P. with Schlitz only.
Characterized by snake-like Lower Body and human Upper Body. Human-style head with red eyes, Spikey White hair and blue skin. Has 40 tentacles, 10 on either side (equals to 20) and 10 on the left and right sides of his back. Spines flow down his back. The tail can double as a massive phallus for that extra special lovin.

Specifics: Has fast maneuverability and superhuman strength, but can't repel a lot of attacks thrown against him. Tentacles can extend outward for extra long reach and only is this mode can he extricate energy from others.

3rd mode - U.P. with Schlitz and Cougar Bourbon
Appearance is same as Mode 2 except for Red skin and Blue eyes.

Not as fast as Mode 2, but still quite quick. Strength is Tripled and ability to resist attacks are also increased. Has ability to use Internal Energy to create Meta-physical projectiles that's named "The Money Shot" and can be launched at enemies. Force is equivalent to a Nuclear bomb for "Christian Right" or Massive Explosive Orgasm for those "Sexually Liberated." (Read Tentacle Properties)
His tentacles don't have long-range capability but can still be used to grasp enemies. Energy can not be exumed from victims while in Mode 3.

Tentacle Properties:
The ooze flowing from the tentacles has special properties. If it hits a person that's very sexually liberated or as such, then it becomes a powerful aphrodesiac. If it hits someone that's sexually repressed (Christian Right for example) it will be 10x worse than HCL.

Weaknesses -
Extreme cold
Some torture devices. (Just be careful because some of the torture devices could power him up more...very kinky guy)

Always associated with "Luci" as Her Champion.

Member of The Bishounen God's Cult of Lovers
"Anime...Crack is Cheaper"

"What's Fundamentalism? It's how you get all the Mysteries of the Universe to fit on a BUMPER STICKER."
Howard the Duck

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BandMan2K on 2002-11-12 12:37 ]</font>

Author:  Ezelek [ Sat Nov 16, 2002 5:07 am ]
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Kenko blearily looked out from under her lilac bangs at the man she'd knocked across the room, her jade-azure eyes widening slightly as she tried to focus, before finally giving up and returning her attention to the forms that were sprawled out on the glass-top table in front of her. She briefly contemplated the idea of covering them with vomit, but quickly decided that it would not be an altogether pleasant experience filling out vomit-covered forms, so she stumbled into the ladies bathroom, and retched her guts up. Lovely. After what seemed like a few hours of vomiting, which was, in fact, a few hours of vomiting, Kenko emerged, wiping her mouth on her arm, feeling somewhat more sober, and quite hungry as she had emptied the majority of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. Pausing for a moment, she quickly went back and flushed the toilet, thinking that it wouldn't be too nice for someone to walk into a room with a smell... Well, a smell that defied definition.

Sitting back down, Kenko looked once more over the forms, reading them out loud to herself, chewing on the end of the borrowed pen as she did so.

"Number one. Name." Pausing briefly to think about this, Kenko jotted down 'Hino Kenko' before looking onto the next question. "Number two. Age." Again, she paused, counting out on her fingers, having to put the pen down for a moment so she could use both hands. '19.' Again, she moved on. "Number three. Gender." Raising her eyebrow, she nodded her head slightly, pleased by the fact that she knew the answer without having to check. 'Female'. So far, so good. Next question. "Sexual Preference." Narrowing her gaze, Kenko glanced around. What the hell kind of question was that? How the hell did it in anyway relate to her powers? Glancing down the questions further, she growled under her breath. How did any of these questions relate at all!? Her first childhood memory? If she'd ever danced with three monkeys on a saturday night whilst taking tequila shots out of her shoe? Curling her first up, small wafts of flame began to come up from the skin, before she gritted her teeth, and wrote her answer. "None of your FUCKING business."

Continuing on, she used this answer many time during the extent of the forms, before finally reaching the section that related to her powers. Due to her own inability to coherently explain them, the author shall now give Kenko a touch of insight for a moment, so she can explain her abilities in full detail.


An 'Alter' ability is unique to each person that is born with it, although the way the power is generated is basically the same in each individual. The Alter User takes other matter and reforms it for use in their own way, in the case of one Hino Kenko, as a manifestation of fire. An Alter is comprised of three stages, and the majority of Alter users never pass the first stage of their power, either being too weak to rise up, or not having enough drive to push themselves to the limit. Each also has a physical effect. It should also be stated, the the majority of Alter uses gain heightened strength and speed whilst using their power, and this is also so for Kenko

First Stage

Physical Effect: Kenko's arms become encased in a red-hard 'metal', almost gauntlet like devices that reach upto her shoulders. Each gauntlet has three gems on the forearm, in a triangle pattern, two of them dull whilst one glows a vibrant blue. Other than that, the 'gauntlets are rather plain.

Power: Basic manipulation of heat, and the ability to enforce that heat upon a singular in-animate object. In this case, she uses the giant sword that she always carries, super-heating it to the point that the metal should be dripping off it, although it mysteriously stays solid.

Second Stage:

Physical Effect: Another gem lights up on each gauntlet, and a few more details are added to them, such as larger spikes up on the shoulders, and steam vents form along her triceps. Also a small piece of 'red metal' forms under her right eye.

Power: Basically a suped up version of the first. Able to reach higher temperatures than before on an inaminate object, also able to weakly enforce this onto a living object easily. (Example of usage: In a battle against someone, they would be sweating from extreme heat, becoming exhausted faster). Also able to kick up a screen to steam after a fair amount of fighting, via the vents, obscuring everyone's view of her.

Third Stage:

Physical Effect: The final gem lights up, and the "red-metal" spreads, becoming a full body suit. The look is unknown, simply because Kenko has yet to reach this stage in her devolopment, or though most likely because the author is too lazy to think about it at the moment.

Power: No longer needs a inanimate object to guide the flame with, and is able to shape the flame into what one desires. (Read: Real Fire Sword/Absoloute control over flames and other forms of heat) Complete immunity to heat and the like... And as everything must have it's opposite, very easily overpowered by the cold.

Finally finished, Kenko grinned to herself, collecting the numerous amount of forms and stumbling upto the front desk, still slightly tipsy, though nowhere near as drunk as she was earlier. Noticing Jen, she arched an eyebrow.

"You were a guy earlier. How did you change?" Before the secretary could answer, Kenko continued on. "Nevermind that. I like it. You look good." Handing over the forms, she flashed a seductive grin, quickly scribbling down her number onto a scrap of paper, handing it over. "Give me a call, whenever you're feeling adventerous..." She purred out, winking, before she sauntered (well, it would've been a saunter if she wasn't stumbling every three steps) out of the building.

Author:  Ghost [ Sun Nov 17, 2002 9:19 pm ]
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OOC: I see someone's been watching Scryed . . . ^^ /OOC

Author:  Ezelek [ Sun Nov 17, 2002 11:53 pm ]
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OOC: How did you guess *g* ^_//

Author:  Guybrush Threepwood [ Mon Dec 02, 2002 3:09 pm ]
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I haven't really created an exact character as such, although I would like to patent a power. It is like density control, except unique. It allows me to control the atomic structure of my body. i can make myself denser or less dense, but it also allows me to disperse myself into gaseous, liquid or solid form. I can also add or remove mass to my body by drawing atoms from another dimension, this happens through tiny rifts which i control, it can also work vice versa. Essentially allowing me to sculpt my physique, it also gives me certain regenerative powers. However adding to my mass doesn't take effective immediately but at a reasonably fast speed. This stops me from suddenly blodwing up to the size of a mountain. There are certain restrictions to each of these, but i'm not sure exactly what yet... ( don't worry no mountain sized me coming to destroy cities, or at least not yet...)

Author:  IcyMonkey [ Mon Dec 02, 2002 5:57 pm ]
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All of a sudden the door to the UPPO bursts open, and in runs IcyMonkey. This is the same frigid monkey of the RT thread. His fur is slick and blue, with a texture closer to ice than hair. Small, circular spectacles sit atop his simian nose. The cold blue eyes behind the glasses reveal an intense, intelligent mind at work within the monkey. Icy is also wearing a long black trenchcoat over a black t-shirt emblazoned with the Anarchy-A. Strapped to his back is a futuristic-looking gun almost as big as the monkey himself. He radiates coldness; anyone within a meter or so of him can feel the temperature around them drop noticeably.

Icy turns toward the door and takes the gun off his back. He aims it towards the door. Seconds later an 8-foot tall robot comes through shouting "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!" Icy fires at the robot, and the gun releases an energy blast of some kind. The blast hits the robot, causing it to blow up quite violently. Icy puts the gun back on the holster on his back, turns, and walks over to the counter.

Icy: "Heheh, sorry 'bout that. It was just one of my... "creations" that went awry. However, that did just give me the opportunity to demonstrate the first thing I want to patent. This..."

Icy gestures to his back.

Icy: "...is the Big Fucking Ray Gun. It fires a stream of pure positrons, and the setting is adjustable. I can do anything from blow up a small building to fry a hamburger with this thing."

Jen: "I see... But I don't think you can patent something as general as a ray gun."

Icy: "Hey, this isn't just any ray gun... This is the BIG FUCKING Ray Gun. It's like a proper noun. That's what I'm patenting."

Jen: "Oh, okay. That it?"

Icy: "Well, actually, there's the more important matter of my actual powers..."

Jen: "Which are?"

Icy: "Temperature control. Well, I can't raise temperature, but I can lower the temperature of anything in my immediate line of sight. How cold I can get something really depends on how far away it is from me and how much time I have, but given ideal conditions, I can lower temperature all the way to within a fraction of a degree above Absolute Zero. Observe."

Icy turned to a nearby water fountain, which Kitsune was currently using. The water almost immediately froze. Kit's head jerked up. He had a sideways stream of frozen water coming out of his mouth. He struggled to speak, all the saliva in his mouth having frozen as well.

Kit: "Whuf thuh hell dif you do?"

Icy: "Er, sorry Kit. Just trying to demonstrate my power for the patent here."

Icy turned to Jen.

Icy: "So? Do I get the patents?"

Jen: "*Sigh* They don't pay me enough for this... Here, take these forms, fill them out, and sign them in triplicate."

Jen handed Icy a huge stack of paperwork. Icy grumbled, and stumbled over to a nearby desk where he began filling them out.

"Patriotism ... is a superstition artificially created and maintained through a network of lies and falsehoods; a superstition that robs man of his self-respect and dignity, and increases his arrogance and conceit."
-Emma Goldman

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: IcyMonkey on 2002-12-02 17:08 ]</font>

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