ZOMBIE FORUMS

*sare looks at PM and Chris*

*sigh*

sare: Too much power... so carelessly used...
*sigh*

Shush! We haven't got to that bit yet!

I'll bet you do the same thing in movies too.

*Reaches down and snags some of TSC's popcorn, nearly losing an arm in the process.*

>>>Debbie: Hi, Mrs Anderson. Marcie said she wanted me to see her tonight.

>>>Mrs Anderson: I'm glad you're here, Debbie. Marcie has shut herself in her room and won't come out.

UWC:(Mrs Anderson) And I can't work out how to turn the doorknob!

P-M: She must be related to Hooper.

>>>Mrs Anderson: She hasn't been herself for weeks.

Van: Well, who has she been then?

>>>Mrs Anderson: I've been very worried. Ever since her character in the game got killed, it's as though a part of her died.

SHO: She didn't have that much personality to begin with...

>>>Debbie: Nooo!

UWC:(Debbie) you know you're not supposed to jump on the bed!!

>>>(NOTE) It's my fault Black Leaf died. I cant face life alone. -marcie

SHO: PS, it's also my fault your dog died last year. Oh and I was the second shooter.

>>>Ms. frost I cant get Marcie out of my mind, how could she do something like that?

UWC(debbie): I mean she still owed me 20 dollars.

>>>>If i'd left the game, she'd be alive today.

Van(debbie): Of course my complete mastery of the dark arts learned in the span of a few short days does soften the blow a bit.

>>>>>Get your priorities straight, Debbie!

TSC(Ms. Frost) Gen Con is in two days!





_________________
What? -SCSA
http://HIW.keenspace.com

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: SHO on 2002-06-04 13:06 ]</font>

(OOC: You're on, Chris.)

/Pyro glances at Chris

/Pyro switches to the seat directly in front of Van, concentrates a moment, and teleports the movie screen to the right wall of the room. The projector, which is digital, does something similar on the other side of the room.

All: Hey, what the hell? (or words to that effect)

/Pyro says something long and complicated-sounding under his breath. All the chairs in the theatre rotate 90 degrees clockwise on their respective axes.

There, that's better.

>Frost: "Your spiritual growth through the game is more important than some lousy loser's life."

Pyro: Hey, alliteration!

>Frost: "It would have happened sooner or later. Her character was too weak."

Pyro (Debbie): Thanks for the magic spells and everything, but doesn't that make you a crappy DM?

>Debbie: "But the law of our faith is that we can do anything we want, as long as we harm no one. But now we have harmed Marcie."

Pyro: So she's somehow responsible for another person's suicide, now? Look, Chick! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's logic flying right over your head!

Pyro: Oh, and you notice the "I am innocent" look on her face? Where's a tentacle monster when you need one?

P-M

-><-

Clay (Chick): That's right children, Ignore the fact that Marcie was fucked up on PCP. Ignore the fact that she was frequently raped by her father and tortued by her Methadrine addicted mother. It was that damned dice game! And it's D&D's fault I'm 43 and still a virgin *Sob*! I always roll 1s with the ladies! Not fair! Not fair!

/Because I know what you're involved in.
Clay: Amway? *shudder*
/It's a spiritual war you can't win without Jesus.
Clay(religious guy): or loaded Dice, I've got 20s and 6s, slip them this 20 and they'll critical fail 45% of the time.
/What can I do?
Clay(religious guy): sleep with me and skip straight to another Chick tract.
Clay: notice that a cleft in the chin automatically makes you the all-american boy?

/Chris watches as his theater gets a makeover

Hey PM, I like what you've done to the place!

/Chris pulls the 15" black rubber cock out of a rift and mushroom stamps PM with it

*He then promptly sits on the other side of Van*

/Chris shudders at the mention of Amway

Hey, watch out for Quixtar too. It's the internet version of that shit.

I should know... I was brainwashed and I'm a member for another... 6 months.

They're shifty bastards I tell you what.

I don't use the membership for anything. I hate those people.

But anyways... On with the show!

(I'd parody it but I'm not feeling all that whitty right now. Kinda tired.)

Chicks with Dicks,
The Sinister Chris

Mark: "Ahem! Some of us are trying to watch the film! And put that huge rubber cock away, Chris. It's scaring the shit out of me."

* Mark continues munching on his fruit. *

*ahum*

I rewrote the third part of the chick tract MST, and edited the post it as originally supposed to be in. Didn't want to mess up your story on the third page as well.

Sorry to disturb you, carry on.

/Chris kicks thread

The power of Gaigax compels you! The power of Gaigax COMPELS YOU!

I funie,
The Sinister Chris

PS: For those of you uncultured swine who do not know, Gaigax is the creator of D&D.

*Van smiles at Chris and PM's antics while trying to wrangle a seat next to her in the theater*

"I don't know why you two want to sit next to me so badly. I'll just steal your food... and put my moves on you, like so..."

*A mischievious smile crosses Van's face. She performs the arms-in-the air fake yawn, then playfully places an arm around Chris' shoulders*

"Hey baby, is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass!" she barely manages to say with a straight face before dissolving into laughter.

***back to regularly sceduled Chick Tract***

>Debbie: What have I gotten myself into?

Van(Debbie): Who knew that becoming a witch and dabbling in the occult would turn out so very badly! I also seem to spend every waking moment in some Elvira look-a-like's house, whose only hobby is having young teenagers over to play D&D. I was unaware!

Everyone: Dumbass.

>Frost: Don't be stupid, Debbie.

PM(Frost): *reconsiders* I mean, don't be stupider Debbie.

>Frost: I think you'd better let Elfstar take care of things. You're getting out of control.

UWC(Frost): Now, I'm going to perform the magical shaking ritual until Elfstar appears! C'mon, the power of evil compels you!

/Chris looks over and grins at PM

/Chris looks at Van again

/Chris wraps his arm around Van

Any time baby!

WOOT,
The Sinister Chris

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: The Sinister Chris on 2002-06-13 04:55 ]</font>

ohh boy
* he takes a pice of paper from his bag and checks it*

Ok yeah I have my donor card up to date and my last will too...

Let the fighting between PM and Chris begin!

OOC: Hey, I was just checking this thread and thought I'd have to put the outtro up. I know the thread may be dead, but it felt wrong to leave this, especially since I think this is the best thing I wrote on the boards.

We're back at the SOH. A small theatre podium is set up. From the side a whispered argument can be heard.

1: Why do I have to do this.
2: Well we only have 1 blond, and Suzy MUST absolutely be blond.
1: But... can't Mika dye her hair?
3: If you think I'm playing HER, you've got another thing coming. And I'm already playing the Zombie-dominatrix
1: Well... what about Poe then?
4: Hey, I'm already playing a retarded Texan, that's humiliating enough.
2: Now shut up already and get on the stage.

(on the stage comes Piro, looking rather angry about wearing an ill-fitting bimbo outfit)

Piro: Hello, I am Suzy. I love incontinent old Texans and also enjoy telling all my dirty secrets to other people.

(Poe comes on, wearing a cowboyhead, sunglasses and a stupid grin)

Poe: Hey chickybaby.

Piro: Oh Craig, I love you, shall we have a date next saturday.

Poe: Hey chickibaby!

Piro: Oh hurray, I love you. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I am NOT gonna kiss him!

Mika (from the sides): spoilsport.

Poe: Hey chickibaby (leaves)

Piro: ooh, I will now go to Miss Damien, to get all the info I need about sex. It's not like I can get them anywhere else?

(Mika comes in face full of make up to make her look old. She now somehow looks both cute and repulsive)

Mika: What can I do for you sweety HEEHEEHEEEE (cackles)

Piro: Oh Miss Damien. I am planning to have hot monkey sex with my shnugglebunny Craig. Do you know what I should do?

Mika: Of course dear child Heeheehee. You see, you cannot get Aids if you let him shove it up your ass. HEEHEEHEEHEE. but be careful not to get pregnant. HEEHEEHEE. Oh, I am SO evil.

Piro: Oh thank you Miss Damien. I'll just go have hot monkey sex now. I'll send you the pictures later.

Mika: Of course dearie. HEEHEEHEE.

(Mika leaves, Poe walks back on. Both are looking in the script.)

Piro: Ooh Craig, you look so hot tonight

Poe: I can share it with you, eh chickibaby.

Piro: Oh Craig, please. Piro then takes off his skirt, careful not to show his... WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Poe: I have to do what with my what?

Mika (from the sides): Oh goshdarnit, okay okay plan two.

Hard: right, here use this lovebirds.

(Piro and Poe take a cardboards back of a car, crawl behind it and move it a bit, making not too enthusiastic noises and generally droning the dialogue)

(Poe leaves)

Piro: *Argl, Beurk, retch* Jeez, I have now suddenly realized this guy is a total asshole. I hope he didn't give me some disease? (Hard enters, quicly painting dots on Piro's face) oooh, I feel sick. I'll just go to Miss Damien.

(Mika enters, behind the scenes a discussion can be heard between Poe and Hard)

Piro: Hello Miss Damien, I...

Mika: AAAAAH, you have been tainted. Leave this house, lest I perish with you. (leaves)

Piro: Oh no, *snif* now I am all alone, with noone to help me. I do hope nobody takes advantadge of my distress to try to get some brownie points upthere.

..

*ahum* Hello, person in depression here.

(Poe walks in with a scowl. He's dressed in a sailor-fuku that looks like he was dressed in it by force. Piro grins)

Poe: (rapidly) Hello-I-am-the-good-christian-person-guiding-you-to-the-right-path. What's-the-problem?

Piro (grinning) (talking slowly and dramatically) Oh tis most terrible. O chaste and untouched virgin was I, for many years. And not touched by earth's base desires, till I came under the wicked sphere of yonder woman. And...

Poe: GET ON WITH IT!

Piro: ... And so now, I may have received a disease most foul trough that short night of one sided pleasure with that ugly, UGLY man, and I do not know what action i should take.

Poe: Go-to-my-uncle-he'll-know-what-to-do.

Piro: Oh thank you nameles girl. Is there any way I can repay it to y... WHAT? AGAIN?

Poe: Huh? Hey, I may not have paid much attention but I KNOW there was no lesbian sex between the two young girls. I'd have noticed that.

Mika: SPOOOOOOILSPOOOOORTS

Poe: no-problem-glad-to-help-bye. (Walks off again.)

(Hard enters with a white coat)

Hard: I've checked you out you little slut. You're as fucked as you have done that.

Piro: What do you mean doctor?

Hard: I mean you're screwed girl. End of the Line. Game Over. Stop planning for college cause you ain't gonna live to graduate. H-I-V find out what it means to YOU.

Piro: But that...

Hard: Oh, and before I forget it, nobody loves you, your afterlife is totally fucked too, you're ugly and on top of that a braindead bimbo.

Piro: What do you mean?

Hard: Quuod Erat Demonstratum. Anyway, you have only one friend you can count on.

Piro: Oh yes. Who?

Hard (putting a gun on the table) Mr. Smith/Weston. There's one bullet in it. I'll be talking to the next patient. Please don't get blood on my desk.

(Hard leaves)

Piro: So, like, now what do I do? Hey... euhm... it's not like I'm really gonna shoot myself.

Poe: Your art SUCKS!

Piro: Ha...ha... very funny, Testosteron scout!

Poe: Hey, at least I have it, unlike some others.

Mika: Well is there something wrong with...

Poe: Not you, him, or is that her?

Piro: That's it, it's go time.

(5 seconds later)

CA

"Hello there my soon to be converte... AAAAHHHH my eyes."

SOH

Everyone looked at the screen. "oh hello there"

CA

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

SOH

Piro and Poe coughed. "euhm... we're debating."

CA

"Do I want to ask what kind of debate causes you two to dress in OUTRAGEOUS woman's clothing and then be sprawled on the ground like that?"

SOH

"euhm..."

CA

"SILENCE. It's probably hard that causes you to do this. All to defile the mind of the relatively innocent Mika.

SOH

"Yeah, and the mind of my camcorder too"

CA

"And the mind of her camcorde...HUH?"

SOH

Hard grinned. "fear the cute ones"

CA

"I think I'm getting a headache. Jerry, push the button."

And so he did.

Allright, as always, Kick Fucking Ass, Rand.

However, I know who Piro and Poe are (obviously) but I don't know Mika and Hard, so who are they, what do they draw?

Lil Meekerz and SexyLosers/Half of Sunday Morning Coffee respectively.

I shall not necromance.
I shall not necromance.
I shall not....oh fuck it.

Rand, I want your manbabies.