ZOMBIE FORUMS

*sare enters the room with a new coke*

Hey guys anyones need something from the can....

*looks at the movie screen and almost drops his coke*

You have got to be fucking kidding me right? How stupid can people get?

"I've brought Elfstar to become a priestess and a witch."

Mark: "Hey, the first didn't sound so bad, did it? A Priestess! Like the non-Catholic equivalent of a nun! Oh wait, this was written by some fundie Christian. Never mind.."

(OOC) As far as I know, we have peanut M&M's and regular M&M's. (/OOC)

>>>Welcome Elfstar! You are now a priestess of the craft, and of the Temple of Diana!

UWC: (Debbie) Well, that was easy!

[OOC] Just disregard the fact that this line should come before the last two posts [/OOC]

The intense occult training through D&D prepared Debbie to accept the invitation to enter a witches'coven.

PM: Hey Van, wanna popper?

Van: Shh! I'm right in the middle of some intensive occult training! *rolls 20-sided dice*



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Van on 2002-05-30 22:55 ]</font>

HAve you seen the anti D&D site attatched to the campaign launched by a mother of some drug addict who happened to play D&D and hung himself. I'd like to tell her that if she were MY mother, I'd committ suicide too...

What I'm scared about is whoever owns all the spyware crammed into my computers harddrive(I clean it all out every three weeks but somethings always come back, cause right now I'm on about five Furry/Hentai/Lesbian sites and at the same time two of those Chick testimonial sites.
Always good to screw with the system.

Actor.

Sare: (High Priest): Ok not strip naked and prepare for your initiation! Bring in the multitple tentacle beholders...

"Ms. Frost, this is fantastic! This makes the game real... it's not a fantasy anymore! Last night I cast my first spell... this is REAL power!"

Pyro (Debbie): And now I have this splitting headache... is that normal?

Pyro (Frost): No, you would normally be DEAD!!!

(OOC: I apologize for the allcaps and excessive punctuation. It just seemed appropriate.)

P-M

-><-

*SHO walks into the theater with an arm full of poogie bait (candy). Look to the screen and the normally jovial expression is turn to the one that likens to some poor schmoe who walked in on Rosie O'donnell nude sunbathing.*

Holy buddha in a beach blanket, what the hell is this??!!

*eyes riviting to the screen SHO waves to Van, Pyro and the others and takes a seat. Like a train wreck he canniot avert his eyes from the christian mind wipe comic.*

_________________
What? -SCSA
http://HIW.keenspace.com

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: SHO on 2002-05-31 13:30 ]</font>

edit: okay, not even God can stop me from mercilessly mocking Chicks, so here goes the third and final part again.

>> Doctor: There is a horrible lie being pushed today.

Piro: (doctor) Elvis LIVES.
Poe: (doctor) It DOESN'T heal better if you don't pick it.
Mika: (doctor) It DOESN'T happen to a lot of guys.
Hard: (doctor) ...and it's called christianity, and I'm pushing it.

>> Experts claim that you can have 'safe sex' using a condom.

Piro: Why would the experts be sarcastic about safe sex.
Poe: Smile and nod, smile and nod.

>> But the truth is, the AIDS virus is so small it can pass right trough a doctor's surgical gloves.

Poe (doctor): Believe me, I've tested it, hunderds and hunderds of times. You wouldn't have a surgical glove on you eh?

>> Researchers have found surgical gloves big enough to allow 10 Aids viuses to pass trough them side by side.

Mika: (drill sergeant) OKAY, EVERYONE FORM LINES OF TEN AND STORM THAT SURGICAL GLOVE! AH, YOU PATHETIC MAGGOTS. YOU MAKE ME SICK. I mean, HEALTHY!

>> And most condoms are made of the same latex rubber.

Mika: Hard, don't.
Hard: So...
Piro: Hard... no!
Hard: Does that mean...
Poe: no, please, no!
Hard: Does that mean surgical gloves are made with the latex of used condoms, or condoms are made by surgical gloves after they've been used?
All except Hard: Gah.
Piro: I don't even know what's worst. To use a condom that has been used to rummage in people's guts...
Poe: By opening or just... by the backdoor
Piro: *shudder* or to get operated upon bu rubber that has been used as a condom.
Hard: Well, it wouldn't matter much for Shinji would it.
Piro and Poe: AAAAAGH... bad thought, BAD thought.
Mika: Who's Shinji?

>> At a reent meeting of 800 sexologists

Piro: Whow, that must have been a nice meeting
Poe: (sexologist 1) Hey, aren't you the guy researching the history of doggie style.
Piro: (sexologist 2) Oh yes, why thank you for recognizing me. So, how's the research on orgie.
Poe: (sexologist 1) ah well, still gathering material.

>> ... not a singleone said they would trust to protect them if they had sex with an HIV infected person.

Mika: However, since EXPERTS say it's safe, that means those 800 are just a bunch of amateurs.

>> What does that tell you Susan?

Hard (Suzan): Huh sorry, I wasn't listening, I was counting how many people I'd be able to get it on with before it get in the open?

>> Suzy: that's horrible! High school are passing out condoms like candy.

Poe: (Student) Hey, I got strawberry
Piro: (Student) I got banana
Piro + Poe: COCKTAIL TIME!
Mika: ooooh, shounen ai
Poe: No, Piro is playing a girl student
Piro: (at the same time) No, Poe is playing a girl student
Poe: What the... Hey, YOU're the one who draws himself as a girl!
Piro: Well at least I draw males in my comic sometimes?
Hard: If you two are done deciding who's the woman in the relationship, can we continue.

>> Doctor: Yes, Susan, and I believe millions of people will die because of this!

Piro: Wait... so... Doesn't less condoms mean that there will be even MORE people with AIDS?
Mika: He probably thinks that high school students won't have sex if they don't have a condo.
Piro: Whow... he's really out of it.
Poe: And you have noticed this for how long?

>> (Suzy) It's all so unfair.

Hard: Booh, friggen' Hoo

>> Why did God do this to me?

All: uhoh
Poe: (Pilot) Dear passengers, we are about to go to a zone of severe conversion attempts, please return to your seat...
Piro: (pilot) fasten your seatbelts...
Mika: (pilot) Raise your face to the celing, open your mouth...
Hard: (pilot) and relax your throat as we shove religous BS down it.

>> (Doctor) Don't blame God, he tried to STOP you from getting this disease.

Poe: (Movie trailer voice) GOD, a god with a mission. To stop Susan from getting Aids from a retarded Texan.
Piro: (idem) His power: omnipotent
Mika: (idem) His knowledge: All encompassing.
Hard: (idem) His chances... NIL

>> Suzie: What?

Mika : There are only two words of more then two sylabes, ya stupid twit.

>> Doctor: God set up strict rules in the bible. If we obeyed, VD and AIDS would be no problem right now.

Hard: On the other hand, we could have a lesbian massive orgy every day with a international wank-a-thon next to it and there would be ZERO chance of transmission of AIDS.
Poe: Hard VS The Holy Bible: 1-0

>> Suzy: I've never heard about these rules.

Mika (sarcastic): ooooh, big surprise

>> Doctor: That's because MOST people don't want you to hear what God says about these rules Susan.

Mika: No, it's because she's a stupid twit. She couldn't understand the rules of PONG.
Hard: I confess, I can hardly sleep at night thinking about all those people who get to hear what some imaginary being has to say about their sex-life.

>> God said there should be absolutely NO sex outside of marriage.

Poe: And here we have the reason why christianity is on the decline.

>> In the old Testament, god ordered the death of anyone caught in the act of adultery. This was to protect their family from venereal diseases.

Piro: Jeez, he's all heart that God isn't he?
Poe: What I wonder is that 'to protect their family' I mean, protect their wife or husband, perhaps the eccoasional sidestep with a cousin, but the WHOLE family. I know things were done differently in the old age but that...

>> Susan, God created within your body an incredible forc that protects you from diseases.

Piro: Use the Force Suzy, use the Force.

>> It's called, the immune system.

Piro: I think the Force would have been cooler.

>> Whenever deadly germs invade your body , the immune system goes into action and KILLS the invaders.

Poe: Geez doctor, could you be any simpler, I think the toddlers didn't get what you were trying to say.
Hard: Hey, he's considering his audience.

>> Suzy: Whow, that's HEAVY

Piro: Hey look guys, she's improving, she's going to the sixties already.

>> But now AIDS has hit our land.

Mika: Let's ignore for a moment the MASSIVE slaughter AIDS is causing in Africa.
Piro: There you have an example of a country without condoms. Yep, they really taught the HIV virus a lesson eh?

>> AIDS destroys the immune system, allowing deadly germs to spread trough your body, eventually causing your death.

Hard: (Doctor) Just in case you forgot that you were dying, you SLUT

>> Suzy: So now that I've got Aids, all that I've got to look forward to is death right?

Piro (Doctor): Yep, that's pretty much it, that'll be 50$.

>> Doctor: WRONG Suzan.

All: Ah?

>> You'll soon face something far worse then AIDS

All: °_o
Hard: If you ask me, he's trying to protect the family of Suzy by driving her to suicide.

>> You will face your greatest test as you breathe your last breath.

Piro: (Suzy) *gasp* Dying and this friggen Math test on the same day. Just my luck... *croak*

>> Suzy: What happens then?

Mika: After your last breath? You learn to live without breathing. YOU DIE TWIT.

>> Doctor: If you were a true Christian Susan

Hard: True Christian = Christian like ME.

>> God's angels would be at your bedside... to take you to heaven.

Poe: In the other case, they stand by your bedside laughing thir asses off.

>> Unfortunately MOST people die in their sins.

Hard: Unfortunately. Well he doesn't seem exactly devestated.

>> And their screaing souls are taken and thrown into that DARK, horrible, unspeakable place.

Mika: A Britney Spears concert where she DOESN'T lip sync
Piro: Alabamba
Poe: Disneyland
Hard: (doctor) my ass. You wouldn't believe how crowded it gets there.

>> The truth is, Susan, your school DOESN'T care about you or your soul.

Piro: Okay, so Chick is convinced that most high school students are convinced their schools and teachers are benevolent people that care about them.
Poe: I wonder if there's a Chick tract on drug use.

>> Only ONE person really loves you.

Hard: Oh fuck. You're all heart aren't you doctor. 1: She's gonna die 2: She's going to hell 3: Her teachers, parents, friends DON'T really love her.
Mika: Personally, I'm starting to like the guy. Come on doc, MAKE HER CRY, MAKE HER CRY.
Poe: (Doctor) And that one persone is me. Marry me Suzy.

>> And He didn't want you to die for your sins. So he DIED fo you

Piro: Well jeez, that's awfully nice, but just healing her would be nice, resurecting her perhaps. he did it for Lazarus didn't he. And he IS omnipotent

>> To keep you from going to Hell.

Piro: I prefer the 'make us all live forever till we've had fun with the sins but aren't living in them anymore' plan
Poe: Piro VS Jesus: 1-0

Jesus shed his precious blood (God's blood) to wash away our sins.

Hard: This is starting to sound rather wiccan to me.
Poe: (TV commercial) Doomed? Going to Hell? God's blood. GUARANTEED to make your soul SPARKLING white again, so those bastard angels will have NO CHOICE but to haul your ass into heaven.

>> For God so loved the world (that's you)

Mika: Jeez, make up your mind. First she's an unloved, doomed cause, and now she's the world.
Hard: I see no problem with that.


>> That he gave his only begotten son (Jesus)

Piro: He's really spelling it out for her eh?
Poe: Yeah, I mean if it was GREEK mythology.
Mika: Shut up, we're talking about Suzy here.

>> That whosoever believeth in him should no perish (in hell) but have everlasting life (in heaven) John 3.16

Poe: Right, I think that's our share of bible quotes for the day
Piro: Why couldn't he quote from the book of armaments?

>> Doctor: Three days later, he arose from the dead.

Hard: (Jesus) Dude. That was one wild party man. That wine hits hard. Where did I get these marks? Dude... where's my donkey?

>> His sacrifice was God's gift to you.

Poe: Ahhh... God got his only son crucified for Suzy.
Mika: If only more guys were like him.

>> If you believe this and accept to receive Jesus as your Lord and Saviour

Poe (TV commercial) You get this handy piece of kitchen eqipement ABSOLUTELY FREE!

>> At your death, God's angels will take YOUR soul into heaven

Mika (angel): What? She's coming. Well there goes the neighbourhood.

>> Susan, the Lord Jesus wants you just as you are.

Hard: Down, desperate and dying?
Poe: Seductable, slutty and sex crazed?
Mika: Gullible, gonorheous and an ABSOLUTE IDIOT?
Piro: Hey, that's no alliteration.
Mika: Bite me.

>> He LOVES you and wants to be your saviour and best friend.

Piro: He forgets the whole 'lord and master' thingy.
Poe: Yeah, but she would be HOT for that. (Suzy) Oh yes Jesus, you're my lord, you're my lord. I've sinned. PUNISH ME, PUNISH ME!

>> Ask him into your heart right now.

Mika: hmmm... in her heart? seems kinda gross.

>> Suzy: I will. Please come into my heart right now Jesus.

Piro (ER personell): We've got another person with Jesus in her heart. I need 200cc of goat's blood, STAT!
Poe: (ER personel) Damn, another one. This kills more people then AIDS.

>> thank you for saving me, i'm looking forward to being with you in heaven real soon.

Hard: Okay, she now wishes to die. On that cheerful note, we end.
Mika: WOOHOO, way to go doc. She's giving up. Good job.
Poe: Yep, one thing is sure, that 'one person' who really loved her ISN'T the friend who send her to that doc.
Piro: Pehaps she owed Suzy money?

(Exeunt)





(hmmm, gonna see if I'm gonna finish the intro, get an ending and maybe insert a pause in the middle.)

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Rand Al'Tor on 2002-06-05 06:51 ]</font>

*Sare takes a seat behind Van, and hopes this time nothing happens to him*

“I knew you where ready by the way you played the game…”

Sare: Yeah your unique abilities to roll dice is all you need in order to cast magical powers.

“but this is just the beginning. There is so much more”

Sare: Of course, we still have to see the author get from the land of stupidity and idea to make Debbie feel like guilty and shit and then the happy, pure christians will come to save her form the evil world of dice and plastic figurines.

“Which spell did you cast Debbie”

*Sare almost chokes his popcorn*: Man, by the look of her face I’d say she either cast Abid-Dalzim’s Horrid Wilting and backfired or the cast a fart spell. Whatever it was, that sure is an ugly face.

“I used the mind bondage spell on my father. He was trying to stop me from playing D&D”

Sare: (Debbie) So I rolled my 20 side dice and said to my father: “Ha! You failed your saving throw you are now under my control”

“And what was the result”

Sare: Me getting sick of such amount of bull!Who here wants to go author hunting with me after this?


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sarevock on 2002-05-31 21:13 ]</font>

*Clay Puts a bullet in the middle of the screen where debbies face currently is*

"Oops, damn! Author hunting sound fine with me, as autor game warden I declare it open season on reform-freak authors."

*Pulls out double-barreled 10-GA shotgun*

"Rock and Roll!!!"

>> I used the mind bondage spell on my father...

Van:(Debbie) Which was a lot different than the bondage I normally do with my father, but that's a different Chick Tract!

Drach:(Frost)Kinky.

>>He was trying to stop me from playing D&D.

>>What was the result?

Van:(Debbie) I accidentially cast the facial deformity spell on myself instead! Look at me, I'm hideous! *snarl*


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Van on 2002-06-01 10:57 ]</font>

I can't find "Dark Dungeons" anywhere on his lists...

BTW, I've seen some of Chick's tracts, Chick is a serious head case! I always said that judging from what I know about the howling religious as people, you would find very few of them in heaven if you were to take a post mortal survey. I am a Christian but I don't believe in stuffing it down eveeryone's throat. I believe that everyone makes their own decisions and the only thing that these assholes like Chick do is give us all a bad name. You gotta know this sonuvabitch is overcompensating for the fact that he's a Pedaphile or fucked his 10 year old sister in high-school or something.

_____________________

Tuco: God is on our side because he hates the Yanks too!
Joe (Clint Eastwood): No, God is not on our side because he hates Idiots also...

-From The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Oi, unless you're dissing the movie, shut yer pie hole!

*Throws unnamed shit from under the seats at the rude ones.*

And Clay, don't mess with the screen, bad form that!

TMT pops up and reads the tracts

Holey shit, a D&D game with more girls than guys. This is pure fantasy. Anyway...

Debbie> I can't. I'm fighting the zombie. Tell her I'll see her tonight.

Because you must kill the figment of your imagination that exists only on paper. It will dissapear if you don't kill it right away.

Could someone post a link to the "movie"...? That was kinda the original point of the last post.
Thnx, didn't see it before.
_________________
The Web Site for my Character is: http://www.geocities.com/dmatumbo/Rope2.html
My Avatar is now fixed thanks to http://www.yoursighost.com ,I am working on saving it at greater compression but I'm having software problems.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Clay_Allison on 2002-06-03 19:27 ]</font>

I did. Bottom of the first page.

P-M

-><-

OOC: OMFG! This is fucking hilarious!

/OOC

*Suddenly the seat at the end of the aisle that PM, Van, and Drachen are sitting at shutters and sinks (Specifically the end that PM is closest to)*

PM: What the hell?

Van: I didn't think our jokes were bad enough to start losing seats?

Drachen: Naw, I'll bet its something involving Chris.

PM: What?

Drachen: Yeah, didn't you read the sign outside? This theater is owned by TSC Corp.

PM: It figures. Chris owns pretty much everything in this forum.

*Suddenly the seats begin shifting one at a time towards the end of the aisle up until PM's seat. Leaving a gap between Van and PM*

PM: Hey!

*Suddenly a seat pops up out of the gap between PM and Van. Chris is sitting in the seat eating some popcorn*

Hey everybody!

/PM glares at Chris

What? You did the same thing to Sarevock.

/Chris looks at the screen

Oh, Dark Dungeon! A classic.

We're almost to the good part! This one has a such a lovely Nazi-esque finish. it just make you want to go out and kill a Neo-Facist Christian with a +5 Singing Keen vorpal longsword of Fanatic Smiting.

Did I mention that not even I have had a DM that cruel. And since when can't you roll another character up?

Drachen: Yeah, Chick is good at overlooking the good in things. It's a form of brainwashing.

Van: Where have you been?

Well, work is hell and I've been too busy. Thusly, I haven't had the time to post in the RP threads.

(Sorry PM, but you were in my seat *grin*)

On with the show,
The Sinister Chris

Clay: Don't you love the two guys in the background of the last panel chanting and worshipping the Holy Flame of Ignorance?