OOC: Hey, I was just checking this thread and thought I'd have to put the outtro up. I know the thread may be dead, but it felt wrong to leave this, especially since I think this is the best thing I wrote on the boards.
We're back at the SOH. A small theatre podium is set up. From the side a whispered argument can be heard.
1: Why do I have to do this.
2: Well we only have 1 blond, and Suzy MUST absolutely be blond.
1: But... can't Mika dye her hair?
3: If you think I'm playing HER, you've got another thing coming. And I'm already playing the Zombie-dominatrix
1: Well... what about Poe then?
4: Hey, I'm already playing a retarded Texan, that's humiliating enough.
2: Now shut up already and get on the stage.
(on the stage comes Piro, looking rather angry about wearing an ill-fitting bimbo outfit)
Piro: Hello, I am Suzy. I love incontinent old Texans and also enjoy telling all my dirty secrets to other people.
(Poe comes on, wearing a cowboyhead, sunglasses and a stupid grin)
Poe: Hey chickybaby.
Piro: Oh Craig, I love you, shall we have a date next saturday.
Poe: Hey chickibaby!
Piro: Oh hurray, I love you. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I am NOT gonna kiss him!
Mika (from the sides): spoilsport.
Poe: Hey chickibaby (leaves)
Piro: ooh, I will now go to Miss Damien, to get all the info I need about sex. It's not like I can get them anywhere else?
(Mika comes in face full of make up to make her look old. She now somehow looks both cute and repulsive)
Mika: What can I do for you sweety HEEHEEHEEEE (cackles)
Piro: Oh Miss Damien. I am planning to have hot monkey sex with my shnugglebunny Craig. Do you know what I should do?
Mika: Of course dear child Heeheehee. You see, you cannot get Aids if you let him shove it up your ass. HEEHEEHEEHEE. but be careful not to get pregnant. HEEHEEHEE. Oh, I am SO evil.
Piro: Oh thank you Miss Damien. I'll just go have hot monkey sex now. I'll send you the pictures later.
Mika: Of course dearie. HEEHEEHEE.
(Mika leaves, Poe walks back on. Both are looking in the script.)
Piro: Ooh Craig, you look so hot tonight
Poe: I can share it with you, eh chickibaby.
Piro: Oh Craig, please. Piro then takes off his skirt, careful not to show his... WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
Poe: I have to do what with my what?
Mika (from the sides): Oh goshdarnit, okay okay plan two.
Hard: right, here use this lovebirds.
(Piro and Poe take a cardboards back of a car, crawl behind it and move it a bit, making not too enthusiastic noises and generally droning the dialogue)
(Poe leaves)
Piro: *Argl, Beurk, retch* Jeez, I have now suddenly realized this guy is a total asshole. I hope he didn't give me some disease? (Hard enters, quicly painting dots on Piro's face) oooh, I feel sick. I'll just go to Miss Damien.
(Mika enters, behind the scenes a discussion can be heard between Poe and Hard)
Piro: Hello Miss Damien, I...
Mika: AAAAAH, you have been tainted. Leave this house, lest I perish with you. (leaves)
Piro: Oh no, *snif* now I am all alone, with noone to help me. I do hope nobody takes advantadge of my distress to try to get some brownie points upthere.
..
*ahum* Hello, person in depression here.
(Poe walks in with a scowl. He's dressed in a sailor-fuku that looks like he was dressed in it by force. Piro grins)
Poe: (rapidly) Hello-I-am-the-good-christian-person-guiding-you-to-the-right-path. What's-the-problem?
Piro (grinning) (talking slowly and dramatically) Oh tis most terrible. O chaste and untouched virgin was I, for many years. And not touched by earth's base desires, till I came under the wicked sphere of yonder woman. And...
Poe: GET ON WITH IT!
Piro: ... And so now, I may have received a disease most foul trough that short night of one sided pleasure with that ugly, UGLY man, and I do not know what action i should take.
Poe: Go-to-my-uncle-he'll-know-what-to-do.
Piro: Oh thank you nameles girl. Is there any way I can repay it to y... WHAT? AGAIN?
Poe: Huh? Hey, I may not have paid much attention but I KNOW there was no lesbian sex between the two young girls. I'd have noticed that.
Mika: SPOOOOOOILSPOOOOORTS
Poe: no-problem-glad-to-help-bye. (Walks off again.)
(Hard enters with a white coat)
Hard: I've checked you out you little slut. You're as fucked as you have done that.
Piro: What do you mean doctor?
Hard: I mean you're screwed girl. End of the Line. Game Over. Stop planning for college cause you ain't gonna live to graduate. H-I-V find out what it means to YOU.
Piro: But that...
Hard: Oh, and before I forget it, nobody loves you, your afterlife is totally fucked too, you're ugly and on top of that a braindead bimbo.
Piro: What do you mean?
Hard: Quuod Erat Demonstratum. Anyway, you have only one friend you can count on.
Piro: Oh yes. Who?
Hard (putting a gun on the table) Mr. Smith/Weston. There's one bullet in it. I'll be talking to the next patient. Please don't get blood on my desk.
(Hard leaves)
Piro: So, like, now what do I do? Hey... euhm... it's not like I'm really gonna shoot myself.
Poe: Your art SUCKS!
Piro: Ha...ha... very funny, Testosteron scout!
Poe: Hey, at least I have it, unlike some others.
Mika: Well is there something wrong with...
Poe: Not you, him, or is that her?
Piro: That's it, it's go time.
(5 seconds later)
CA
"Hello there my soon to be converte... AAAAHHHH my eyes."
SOH
Everyone looked at the screen. "oh hello there"
CA
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
SOH
Piro and Poe coughed. "euhm... we're debating."
CA
"Do I want to ask what kind of debate causes you two to dress in OUTRAGEOUS woman's clothing and then be sprawled on the ground like that?"
SOH
"euhm..."
CA
"SILENCE. It's probably hard that causes you to do this. All to defile the mind of the relatively innocent Mika.
SOH
"Yeah, and the mind of my camcorder too"
CA
"And the mind of her camcorde...HUH?"
SOH
Hard grinned. "fear the cute ones"
CA
"I think I'm getting a headache. Jerry, push the button."
And so he did.
_________________ Proud Member of the cult of Godless commie traitors.
Wait, this isn't chewing gum!
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