Bimbo's Bar & Grill
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Author:  Yorik [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 2:49 am ]
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A zombie with a soot-blackened face and wearing a ushanka walked into the bar, lugging a heavy package in his hands. Placing it from the bar, he placed a note to the Bar & Grill's manager on top of the package, then hurried out of the building.

Author:  BandMan2K [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 3:00 am ]
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Band spots the soot-covered zombie dropping off the package & note then proceed to scurry away. He gets up close to the bag but decided discretion is the better part of valor and decided not to tempt fate and open the bag within the Bar. He takes the two items outside and proceeds to skim through the note. As he opens the bag and peers into its contents, he goes deathly pale.


Author:  Yorik [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 5:42 am ]
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As Band stood paralyzed on the sidewalk, staring into a rather large box that was rather full with a rather large amount of gold, a group of several zombies in Maoist uniforms carrying a large assortment of communist propaganda material in their arms strode past him and entered the bar. By the time they left a few minutes later, the bar's walls had become covered in not only posters of Che Guevara, but also posters of Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Ho Chi Minh, Castro, Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Pol Pot and others, flags of communist countries such as the Soviet Union, China, Cuba, North Korea and Vietnam, and other assorted Marxilistically Delicious bits of paraphrenilia including a rather large portrait of a communist Jesus that now hung rather visibly behind the bar.

Author:  BandMan2K [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:53 am ]
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Band breaks the Golden Hold that took him and runs back into the bar so as to "secure" the gold. When he enters, he comes to a screeching halt at the amount of Commie claptrap bullshit that's been festooned upon the walls. The final straw broke when he saw the tastefully done female nude painting of Diana Rigg from "The Avengers" behind the bar replaced by some Commie Yeshua. His blood begins to boil.

"All this crap and they couldn't put up ONE image of Red Son!? And THAT - *points to painting of Commie Yeshua* - is just wrong. SYSTEM RESTORE! "

At that moment, dozens of mechanoids come out of nowhere to strip the posters and anything that goes for Communal or Societal thinking from the edifaces of the bar. The image of Commie Yeshua is pulled down and pissed on by Band before he lovingly returns the nude image of Diana Rigg from "The Avengers" to its proper glory. He then makes sure to stow the bag somewhere safe from anyone or anything and proceeds to stalk for the perpetrators.

Author:  Yorik [ Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:11 am ]
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Suddenly a bust of Stalin flew in from one corner of the bar, shattering itself against the back of Band's head. A Che poster then promptly pasted itself onto his face. Across the rest of the bar, the apparantly living Communist Bullshit began to retaliate against their mechanized attackers, swirling around them and hurling them out of the bar on gusts of wind. The posters and flags then returned to their original positions, minus the painting which took up a position to the right of the Diana Rigg nude. Almost as an afterthought, a poster of Red Son zoomed in through a slightly-open window and pasted itself to the left of the aforementioned nude painting.

Then, with an audible pop, a single bar of gold from the package in Band's hands disappeared into thin air.

Author:  BandMan2K [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:28 am ]
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Band drops to a knee as a reaction to the Stalin bust coldcocking him from behind. When the poster of Che glues itself to his face, he begins to suffocate on the Communist Bullshit. Finally, he grabs hold of it and rips it off, only to have it take his eyebrows, mustache & beard along with it. He screams out in quick pain as every nerve lights up from the Commie Wax Job done to his facial hair. He then gets up to his feet and sees the Bullshit try to take over the bar area and mark it as a bastion of Communism. The blood starts to boil within his veins.

"That's IT! As a Libertarian, I'll never allow any of this claptrap to desecrate this bastion of free thinking and boozing. Plus there's No Solicitations! This ends now!"

He then swings around and his voice drops into the Basement while taking on a gravelly tone.

"If you don't want to be caught in the crossfire, then take cover."

His eyes turn blood red as he expouses a gutteral bellow. His hair turns shock white and his skin turns into a shade of cobalt. He bellows even louder as his arms split into many tentacles and his legs fuse into one long phallis-tail. When the transformation is complete, Uncle Pervy rises up on his tail and shows he has taken control of Band's body & mind.

"No one fucks with this place. These Zombie scripts will bow to me!"

As the patrons for the most part take for the selective cover that they can, Pervy proceeds to make a buildup of his power spunk from within. The Commie Propaganda begin to attack him, covering him as much as possible with their Power of the Proletariat. The Jesus painting and the Red Son also join in on the attack. Pervy begins to feel the weight of the bullshit as they leech the Perversion out of him, so he tries to make his way outside. They latch themselves to the ground and try to subdue him but they haven't dealt with the Unending Pit of Perversion that consumes his soul. He focuses his mind on the unmistakable scent of 4 young virgin girls who happened to have entered the bar earlier with their fake ID's and hopes of getting some decent brews. It drives him into a Fuck Frenzy and he fights back.

"I will destroy you bastards and sup on their tender, succulent, virginial bodies...now BEGONE!"

With that, Pervy drove his essence through his tentacles and unleashed a torrent of his Baby Batter throughout the bar, deluging the propaganda with a corrosive force of Free Love and No Sex Rules that is detrimental to the Commie Way of Life. The emotions that are brought about by the corrupting influences of the Flesh destroy the propaganda just as it had destroyed Communism in the past. The screams of the Proletariat resound throughout the bar as they lose their hold on this realm and dissolve into nothingness. The package of Gold that was used to buy their entry also disappears, leaving not a trace of their existance. Only the remaining spooge smothers within.

His job complete, Pervy then turns his attention to the four young ladies who he noticed earlier. The peals of their screams and the clothes being ripped off their slender frames are punctuated by the cries of ecstacy once they feel him enter within. They beg for more and are taken over the edge in orgiastic bliss multiple times with the help of Pervy's natural lubricant & sexual pheremones. After 20 minutes of suckling their sexual energies through his many copulations he brings himself to a raging climax, ensuring that they will be his newest members of The Harem.

His appetite sated for now, he lets them go and looks around. He is pleased to see the mechanoids had returned into the Bar & Grill and within the timespan had removed all the spunk from the interiors, gotten everyone who was hit with the spooge calmed down & refreshed, and made sure the Nude Painting of Diana Rigg was hung behind the bar with care and in all her gloriousness.

"Ok, Band. I relinquish to you."

With these words, Pervy begins to regress and very quickly reforms into Bandman as he was before, hair and all. Band then shakes a second to let the extra sexual energy run through his nerves and sits down at the bar. Lighting up a smoke and motioning for a Double Scotch, he inhales deeply on the Coffin Nail and enjoys the afterglow.

"I need to do that more often. Anyone hurt?"

Author:  Yorik [ Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:05 am ]
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In answer to Band's question, a large red hammer wrought from iron materialized in the air behind him, swinging and striking him directly on top of the head with enough force to dent itself. The weapon then dematerialized as quickly as it had appeared, and from somewhere beyond the mortal realm, the patrons of Communism had their last laugh.

Author:  Shinigami [ Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:25 am ]
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Remaining silent, Shin watches as the cheap iron hammer strike Band in the back of the head. The resulting dent in the hammer is a testament to the tools poor craftsmanship, Band turning around to see where the mild annoyance had come from just moments after the hammer had dematerializes

"Are you alright, sir?" an innocent looking barmaid asks the death god.

"I'm fine, thank you. If it's not too much to ask, could you please ask Mr. Band to try and control his temper?"

"...I will relay your sentiments," the barmaid responds, squinting slightly to peer through the corner's dim lighting. To her astonishment, the area is seemingly untouched by the events that had just taken place.

“I appreciate it,” Shin says with a polite smile.

Author:  BandMan2K [ Tue Jan 23, 2007 2:48 am ]
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Feeling the pressure of something hitting his head, Band sees nothing and turns back around. One of the barwenches comes up to him and informs him of some request made by a gentleman within to tone down the temper. Band then gives a look to the wench, who immediately proceeds to ask forgiveness for disturbing him. He waves his hand dismissively and is left alone.

Time passes, until he finally notices the date.

"January 23, 2007. Hmm... well, hopefully my 25th birthday will be uneventful and I'll be able to enjoy the booze."

He raises his double Scotch & Soda to the painting of Diana Rigg behind the bar in toast, then proceeds to take a long pull from the alcoholic beverage. He looks around and sees there haven't really been a lot of activity within the establishment.

"One of those lulls, huh? Hope it doesn't last. But then again, there just haven't been a lot of interesting things happening in here like the Ol' Days. Maybe I need to pick a fight with something and have it attack the Bar & Grill? No, not right now. I try to do it now and no one'll be here to join in."

He turns back to the painting above the bar.

"Well, Diana. What do you think I should do, huh?"

Author:  Shinigami [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 2:40 am ]
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"I can't help but wonder something, " Shin says, slinking out of his corner over to Band, "Is it respect that I see in the eyes of your barmaids, or is it fear?"

Band shoots back the remaining contents of his drink, paying no mind to the sudden company.

Not allowing his growing annoyance to affect his demeanor, Shinigami leans in to whisper into Band's ear.

"Like myself, you have no place in this world leecherous demon. If you are going to treat humans as mere puppets for your sexual gradification, please do so away from the likes of myself."

Author:  BandMan2K [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 4:44 am ]
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Band waits for some mental speech from Diana's painting when Shin makes his way to his side then asks a question about the barmaids. Band, however is lost in thoughts of himself, a young Diana Rigg & Andrea Parker having some fun in a nice big suite to answer the question. Then Shin starts to whisper and breaks Band's concentration. He motions to the barkeep for a double Scotch & soda, then turns right into Shin.

"My dear Death God. You really seem to be out of sync today. First off, in regards to the barkeep & barmaids: They're not real. They're Bio-Mechanoids so that they can be easily replaced or repaired. Lovely had to make sure of that, especially when the place goes into a lull...not unlike now.

Now...as to the subject of Humanity & females: I love women. I give them tremendous pleasure in exchange for some energy. Without it, I would be unable to do what I can as Uncle Pervy or be able to control him. He can get pretty restless and work on my mental defenses if I don't let him out to play every once in a while. Now for Humans, I think they're stupid, paranoid, mob-driven lunatics. A Human, however, has the capacity to rise above the mob. I work on singulars or small groups. "

Band then get right into the Death God's face.

"In regards to what I do with women, whether in public or private: Kiss my Cock, you self-righteous prick. You could care less about humans yourself. All you see is potential clients you need to cross over when their time has come. You said it yourself - You have no place here - so until I hear something from someone within this world, I'm gonna stay and enjoy the taste, the screams, the smells and the touch of women in orgiastic bliss."

Band gets his double scotch & soda and turns his head from Death to take a pull.

"Besides...something tells me you just haven't dipped your bone in anything fleshy in a long time. That lack of poon I'm sure will drive even the most pious monk into insanity. Instead of telling me to refrain from having women service my 'pork-sword' why don't you instead get laid with the next girl you have to cross-over. It's not like you won't be doing your job and she'll have a smile on her face when she kicks it."

Author:  Briareos [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 10:13 am ]
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"Now now gentlemen. No need for an argument" Quips Briareos from his chair. (across the bar but its quiet so hearing isn't an issue) There are very few females around who are not appreciative of Band's control of Uncle Pervy, that being said there are also some who wish he would come out and play more. Whatever happens between consenting sentients isn't really any one else's business unless it is destructive, and further whatever happens between a sentient and a non-sentient really doesn't matter (so long as the owner of the non sentient doesn't mind.)

Besides if you want to argue, there is always the game room...

Author:  Shinigami [ Mon Feb 12, 2007 4:55 am ]
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[OOC]Band wins the awesome-post award, folks ^_^[/OOC]

Shin stands in shocked silence as Band proceeds to spit fire, leaving the death god unable to conjure up a proper retort.

"...You assume much, demon," Shin manages at last, his narrowed gaze eating a figurative hole into the back of Band's head. "As for you, sir," Shin says, turning his attention to Briareos, "Demon's are anything but known for letting consent or the lack there of spur the coarse of their actions."

Content with stating the obvious, the death god turned his head back around to eye the nearest barmaid. Why had the death god felt any sort of attachment to these machines? He knew just as plain as Band and Briareos had stated that they lacked the "divine spark" as it was sometimes called. Shin doesn't delve too deep into the matter.

"Perhaps it's the uncanny resemblance to life...or simply the fact that they so closely appear to be women." The death god tells himself. Truth be told, crossing the soul of a woman who had fallen at the hands of a man or had been a the victim of rape had always left a horrid taste in Shin's mouth.

"Perhaps you're just lusting for battle, death god," a voice echoes in the back of Shin's mind.

Author:  Logic [ Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:12 pm ]
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[OOC] I'm a bit confused here. Are we supposed to mold a character after ourselves/forum names? I'd like to join in the fun./ooc

Author:  BandMan2K [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:09 am ]
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Logic wrote:
[OOC] I'm a bit confused here. Are we supposed to mold a character after ourselves/forum names? I'd like to join in the fun./ooc

OOC: It's pretty much open-ended. If you want to come in as a normal person (which is normally boring but considering the amount of crazies around, it could be a breath of fresh air) that's just fine or you can use the character you created in the Patent Office. You can use your username or make something else. Usually though, those that make their usernames will have a character in line with it but as long as you observe the few rules and don't fuck up the bar beyond what I can get repaired in a timely fashion, I don't see any problems.

Author:  Logic [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:18 am ]
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[Ooc] Sweet nipples![/ooc]

"Bimbo's Bar... and Grill." Logic murmered, his voice reminiscent of sand paper being dragged across gravel.

Logic smiled. He liked that name. Maybe Bimbo was a stripper? Well it was high time he found out. As he strode to the front door he stepped over remnants of communist propaganda lying on the ground. Che looked oddly melancholy. He gave it no other thought as he stepped up to the door and throught it, like it wasn't there. If anyone else tried the same trick they should find the door quite solid.

As he stood in the what he would call the "waiting area," he looked over the bar and it's patrons and found it to his liking. Nude pictures on the wall. The smell of rotting corpses and a hint of semen. Waitresses running this way and that and people leaving what it looked to Logic as cover. Logic wished he had been around for whatever had just transpired.

Wiggling his toes in his flip-flops Logic strolled over to the bar. The bartender was there awaiting his every need, or so Logic assumed.

"I'd like... a coffee, lotsa suger, a little milk, and a tripple scotch." Logic said, a distant look in his eyes.

While the bartender was arranging his drinks Logic dropped his rear on a stool and turned to look around. As he did he put a cigarette to his lips--nevermind where it came from--and took a drag. It was appearently already lit. The smoke he exhaled had sparks in it. Logic made a face and started looking for somewhere to put it out, which the bartender came to his rescue and placed an ashtray near him. Logic smothered the cigarette like it was an ex-whife.

By then his coffee and liquor was ready and he unceremoniously dumbed the scotch in to the coffee, spilling both liquids on the counter from overflow and downed it in three gulps. Now he was wired and mildly buzzed. A rabbit fell out of his sleeve and made for the door like a bullet, and surprisingly--or not, if you happen to be used to this kind of bullshit--the door opened for it.

Logic blinked a few times. "I, ugh, gimme another coffee, if you would."

Author:  madadric [ Wed Feb 21, 2007 7:31 am ]
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[ooc] holy shit the last time i posted in here was in 2002 [/ooc]

Two figures stumble out from a door that leads to the back of the premisis, a 6-foot man leaning on a 5-foot naked purple young woman with several odd tentacles speouting from her back aiding him to stay on his feet.

The shorter of the two is the most notable only because her appearance extroadinary, even for this bar, while the taller's would only be unusual, even around 'normal people'. She is 5 feet tall, with a lithe but still curvey figure, medium-sized breasts, and lilac-coloured skin. Her hair is a deep, dark blue, and her pupiless eyes are a bright tropical blue. Also worth mentioning are the several thick, dexterous tentacles sprouting from her back both holding the man up, and efficently clearing a nearby booth for him to sit in. If on looks closely at the end of the tentacles, one will quickly notice that each one terminates in a perfectly formed vagina.

The young-looking woman silently helps the man slump into the booth, and he groans quite loudly. "uuuuugh, my freaking head! Whatever hit me really did a number...thanks Luci."

Mad looks around the bar, sees some familiar old faces, some new faces, and some unfamiliar old faces, from before his time. He then rests his head in his hands, massaging his eyeballs. his messy dark crimson hair falls down over his brow and clenched hands as he moans. Shifting scars can be seen moving slowly on his exposed forearms, disappearing up his sleeves, and on his chest where his shirt is half unbuttoned. Occasionally, a red or yellow flare of dim light will spark up along one of the swirling scars.

Eventually, Adric raises his head and again looks around the bar with his odd eyes, yellow pupils surrounded by red irises. He notices BandMan talking to a new guy with a rough gravelly voice. adric notices some of the oddities occouring around the newbie, and grins lopsidedly. He idly wonders to himself how the guy so casually twists order about without barfing all over himself, or accidentally changing his physiology to breathe sulphur dioxide instead of oxygene. Now there's a two and a half minutes i can do without ever living through again adric thinks to himself as he labours to his feet.

"Hey Band, New Guy. What'd i miss while i was out?" he asks, hobbling over to the bar while luci scampers off to molest one of the regulars in a nearby booth. "A tall cold pitcher of milk and a bottle of asprin." he says offhand to the bartender. "and three fingers of booker noe with ice." he adds as an after thought as he sits down.[/i]

Author:  Logic [ Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:45 am ]
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Logic watched as the two individuals made their way into the bar. Their existence--particularly the purple woman irritated him. If only for the reason he had never had the idea to make something similar. And he won't make one now, 'cause it'd be unoriginal.

He tried his hand at having a cigarette again as the bartender brought him his second cup of coffee, hopefully his lungs wouldn't ignite like his previous attempt. He was pleasantly surprised as he took a drag on an invisible cigarette that his lungs did not, in fact, combust. He felt--or thought he did--the nicotine enter his bloodstream and was satisfied that the smoke he blew out changed colors as it drifted across the room.

His eyebrows drew together as the man called out to what he guessed as either himself or the other two. He opened his mouth to speak but never got the words out as smoke continued to issue from his mouth, nose and, after glancing at his reflection in the coffee, his ears. This is the price we pay for refusing to pay for cigarettes.

He cleared his throat, found it working as well as it should and shrugged to the man as his answer. He took a sip of the coffee, not paying attention to the fact that the mug no longer seemed to exist, although the coffee acted like it did.

Logic wiped his eyes, the smoke issuing from his head was making his eyes water.

Author:  BandMan2K [ Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:01 am ]
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Band was enjoying his drink when in comes some guy who had the look of a kitten wearing a knit hat. Band just stares in amazement as the Laws of Physics and even Anime Physics are neatly balled up and dropkicked out the nearest window screaming. He watches this unknown guy ask for come coffee, milk & scotch then proceed to set his lungs on fire with a cancer stick before having a bunny drop from out of nowhere.

Band sizes the guy up and thinks, ”This guy is out there. Funny, but out there.”

There is movement from the back door but he figures it’s just a couple of the bio-mechanoids coming back in after moving the last remnants of Yorik’s Good Time in Commie Land to the Intergalactic Dumpster where they belong. He continues to watch this new guy and enjoy the impromptu show that seem in all reality to be nothing more but this poor bastard’s real life. Suddenly, he catches a whiff of something familiar; a scent that both he and Uncle Pervy haven’t experienced in quite a long while. The wonderous memories of tentacle-on-cuntentacle sex immediately fill his mind until he hears a familiar voice ask for some milk, aspirin, some Booker Noe and an update on what’s happened since he was in last.

Band turns his head and sees Mad looking like hell.

“Holy shit, it's good to see ya. What the hell’s happened to you... and where’s Luci?”

Author:  madadric [ Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:34 pm ]
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Adric swallows the asprins, and downs a large swig of the milk, before sipping at his whisky.

"you know, i'm not sure." he answeres Band. "last thing i recall was a loud hissing noise and then i think something smashed me in the back of the head. Since the back of my head is really sore." He gingerly touches a large lump protruding from his scruffy hair. "really sore..."

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