ZOMBIE FORUMS

It's a stinking, shambling corpse grotesquely parodying life.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2002 10:10 am 
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In the meantime in Mad's emporium, Rand and a random FBI agent were fruitlesly talking to one of the cashiers..

"Look Sir, Ma'am, whatever. I NEED a discount."

"Don't listen to the running dog, Comrade. Your loyalties lie with your class do they not?"

"Baka Commie-san and policeman-san. Kawai neko-neko wai mate, otoko."

There was a short moment of silence as the two customers were trying to translate and failing. Then the cashier pointed towards the pircetag on the humming light-sickle and the weapon the Fed had chosen.

"You don't understand ma'am/sir, it's a matter of national security!"

"Nani?"

"This is THE hour fellow worker. Today we finish off the bloated pigs that exploited us once and for all."

"Nani?"

"Our entire culture and the American way of life are in danger. Please Ma'am/sir. We shall give you the highest honors if you just"

"nani?"

"The working class must free itself today, proletarian! Join us and we will meet the dawn of a new society."

"Nani?"

"..."

The FBI agent opens his mouth, with a suddenly appearing flag on the background, the American anthem playing and bald eagles flying overhead"

"Look, ma'am, the American Freedom, that our founding fathers guaranteed more then 200 years ago, and our fathers and our fathers' fathers have dies to protect, is once again in danger. Our children shall not forgive us if we fail now. You MUST act now, or all the freedoms shall be lost."

Before Freddy nr X can react, Rand opens his mouth too, a red flag flowing in the backgound, with the International playing on the backgound and the sight of people raising their fist on it"

"Today is not the day you will LoSe any of the few grains of freedom his masters have seen fit for you to give. You shall gain it. All of history, from Spartacus' revolt, to the peasants fighting their lords and the French Revolution. All that were skirmishes, for the war that will be decided now, and freedom is the prize."

"You DO want to take freedom."

"don't"

"do"

"don't"

"do"

"free... dom....?"

Both quarreling parties suddenly looke dup at the unusual speaking of English of the cashier.

"Yes, something that isn't allowed to you by the tyrannic masters that..."

"What? I'm sure our constitution has something that says that...?"

"Madadric-sama no baka." her voice suddenly went lower suggesting she meant she was quoting them, loosely "Ecchi Freddie no hentai. Kawai neko kawaikune. Itoshi." her voice went back to normal and she pointed at her pants. "baka-baka, ne?"

Silence

long silence.

"Euhm.... will credit cards do? We got some of them when we stormed their building."

"I think I've still got some defense budget left here somewhere?"

And so Rand's shopping came to an end, and he went outside to see the streets running red.

"Ah, that must mean we're winning."

He then saw Cheney. Oh my god. Normal weaponry and the rage of the people will not be sufficient."

With those words Rand took a mobile phone (collectivized after they stormed the building) and called a number.

"Comrades. It's time to bring out our own big guns."

"Of course... mast... I mean, comrade."

"Nice save, Death-warrior-in-the-revolution-who-is-most-certainly-not-an-arcahic-running-dog-for-nobility. Now do it"


In Moscow, dark energies whirled around Lenin's tomb. Then with a loud scream, the embalmed body of the leader of the Russian Revolution sped towards the place of the new revolution at top speed, to meet his nemesis.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2002 6:26 pm 
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looks to the east at the approaching light

ooooooooh. Pretty lights.

Gather Comrades! Fight the imperialist pigs! Defend your freedom!

turns towards the man with the swords

American Ninja?

Doubles up laughing

Well, you want to fight capitalist dog, so be it.

a random capitalist tries to sneak up on TMT, who backhands him in the face with his hammer

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 5:47 am 
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*SHO impales a rebel and pushes him to the side and runs ovet to the Red Scare just in time to hear the American Ninja crack.*

You Commie Mutant Traitor, for comparing SHO to really bad action movie you will feel the collective might of my twin Katana, Truth and Justice!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 3:15 pm 
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::Kitsune sees the light, closing in on the battle field::

Too bad that's not something for our side . . .

::Kit grabs a random MIB, and drags him in front of himself::

Okay, Mr. Government Lackey, gimme your phone!

::The MIB at first refuses, but the shotgun in his gut quickly changes his mind, and he gives the cell over to Kit, even showing him how to reach the DoD on speed-dial::

Thank you, my dear friend. Now get lost and make sure these commies can't take over our forum!! ::Hits speed-dial *1* and blows away a few commies while waiting for the person on the end of the line to pick up::

. . . Hello? Is this the DoD? . . . Good. Now, listen to me. I know you've sent your forces over here--oh, what's that? I shouldn't know that? Too bad. Anyway . . . We need the POTUS. Yes, the real one. Send him right away.

::Kitsune hangs up and tosses the cell to the ground, where it's crunched by the heels of the proletariat. Meanwhile, far away, in a hidden bunker, long-dormant systems come online, and something wakes up . . .

The ground in the Nevada desert suddenly breaks and a huge, hulking form emerges from underneath the ground. He looks up at the sky and grins a warm, friendly smile. Two alien backwards-engineered rocket open up in his back, and he blasts off towards the battlefield::

::To himself:: Well well, so somebody finally figured out the man on TV was just my clone. At least now I can finally see if the scientists really did their work.

::And so, two legends were on their way to the battlefield: For the Reds, Lenin had woken from his centuries-old slumber. And for the United States, the true Ronald Reagan was back in action once more.::

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2002 4:23 pm 
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/Icyov looks on at Rand's hijinks

Hmm... So he wants to bring that bastard Lenin into the fray! I should have known to never trust a Marxist! He'll pay for...

Random peasant: "Uhm, Icyov, are n't we supposed to wait until after the Revolution is victorious before our unity dissolves in the face of bloody sectarian conflict?"

/Checks his copy of "Revolution for n00bs"

Hmmm... damn, forgot about that. Well...

/out of nowhere, the butt of a rifle smacks against Icyov's head, knocking him to the ground. He rolls over and looks up at his attacker...

Oh no, not YOU....


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 8:58 am 
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Over Ice's body stands the most fearsome foe in the world-

George Bush.

/wipes oil from the side of his mouth

Sorry about that. Just had a meetin' with some of my ah friends.

Yeah so, I was thinkin', you commies need to die. You've been a thorn in my side for way too long now. I mean, hell, how many times do we have to destroy the fucked-up incarnations of your system before you get the idea?

Oh, and can we wrap this up before 5? I've got war to declare, oil to drill, companies to profit from the hard toil of the common people, you know, the normal stuff.

/looks back at Icyov

Oh yeah, you're that annoying guy. Pleased to meet you mr. subgenre-of-reds or whatever you are.

/aims, prepares to fire at Icyov

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: The Man In Black on 2002-09-07 09:02 ]</font>


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 10:01 am 
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::A gust of wind blows up in the middle of the battlefield, and many of the fighters are blown off their feet. The wind picks up, and dust blows up off the ground, obscuring the hulking figure who lightly touches down, kneeling. The wind cuts off suddenly, and the figure stands. The dust clears, and the capitalists cheer and begin to fight with renewed vigor. Slowly, another hulk punches, kicks, and bodyslams his way through the communists to stand next to Reagan. Cheney holds his hand out::

Cheney: Good to see you back, sir. I'm sure Dubya would like to say hello, but he's a little busy *ahem* saying hello to the man who started all this, so allow me to say on his behalf: Welcome to the fight, Mr. President.

Reagan: Glad to be back. It appears my work was not completed, then, and the Communist threat still hangs over our heads. So, since this is mostly hand-to-hand, I'm assuming the SDI was implemented?

Cheney: *cough* About that, sir . . .

::About this time, the Reds also begin to fight with more power, and begin to sing old Revolution songs. The light shining in the sky grows brighter, and finally resolves into a man, wrapped in tattered gauze. As he gets closer, we see his face. The goatee is unmistakable. The Communist leader(Lenin) touches down on the opposite side of the battle, and the two lock gazes. Reagan looks up, and his eyes narrow.::

R: Lenin. So it comes down to this. The two greatest heroes of capitalism and communism, in one final battle. ::Shouts to Lenin:: I know you can hear me, Lenin! It's time we settled this once and for all, the way it should've been done long ago!

Lenin: Da, Mr. President. Let us finish what we were brought back to do.

::The two titans of government wade through the battle, knocking their enemies left and right and sometimes into the air, till finally they stand facing each other. They pause, and both take one long look around themselves. Then, they focus on each other, and they attack::

Random Commie and Random MIB: Oh my God . . . !

::For one horrific second, all battle stops, and the soldiers all stare at the huge buildup of electricity in the middle of the battlefield. Within, two figures can just barely be made out, grappling with each other. One suddenly lets go, ducks, and swings upwards in one huge stroke, and the other is sent flying. The shockwave knocks almost everyone to their knees. Reagan gets up, and wipes a thin trickle of blood off his cheek::

R: Not bad, Lenin. Now it's my turn!

::He charges, and the rockets on his back kick in suddenly, propelling him into Lenin and onward through the fighting, until he slams Lenin into a wall::

L: You . . . capitalists . . . always were too forward for my liking . . . Always did want to rush into situations.

R: Well, I always did trust my intuition. If I hadn't, would we be here now?

L: Nyet!

::Lenin pulses, and Reagan is flung backwards. Lenin puts his foot down and steps out of the wall::

L: And I thank you, Reagan, for this is becoming enjoyable. Das vedanya, my enemy.

::Lenin puts his hands together and prepares to slam his arms down on Reagan::

R: Not so fast!

::Reagan punches in a few buttons on his arm::

L: What . . . ?!

::A FWOOSH is heard, and the sky begins to glow a dull red::

Random MIB: But it's not morning . . .

::Lenin looks up, and his eyes widen::

L: Fellow comrades, find cover, quickly! The capitalists have an orbital laser satellite aimed at us!!

::Reagan grins, and stands up, looking straight up at the laser blast, bearing down on him::

R: Lucky for me I made sure part of the SDI was secretly completed before going into coldsleep. ::Turns to look at all the MIBs::
Find some cover, men. This'll be big.

EDIT/OOC: Sorry for going so long, but my muse decided it wanted to write something, and I let it. I suppose it was a little stupid, but I apologize.
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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kitsune1527 on 2002-09-07 10:03 ]</font>


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 7:08 pm 
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/Bush is suddenly distracted by the fight between Lenin and Reagan, allowing Icyov to grab the gun from Bush and wrestle him to the ground.

Now, bourgeois swine, I know you're not Boosh. Boosh could newwer be as suave as you were, ploos, he wouldn't be ebble to feenish a sentech, never mind several paragraphs, without kempletetly mengelink the Eenglish lenkwich. So, let's see who you REALLY are...

/Icyov pulls off the mask.

Why, it's old man Greenspan from the stock exchange!

Greenspan: "Yeah, and I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddlesome commies!"

/Greenspan is taken away by members of the People's Army. Icyov looks on at the fight between Reagan and Lenin. All of a sudden, in the distance, he sees a shimmering, ghostly figure. Soon he can make out the features and it dawns on him...

HOLY PROLEY! Eet's the spirit of Ayn Rand! With her on the bettlefield, thet means we hef three superbeinks fightink for the estebbelishment, and only one for the commies! And worse yet, thet one ees a Marxist! Well, I'll hef to tekk metters eento my own hends!

/Flips open cell phone.

Chomsky, I need you up here, stat.

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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: IcyMonkey on 2002-09-07 19:12 ]</font>


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 7:26 pm 
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Who we need is Trotsky, to help us comrades.

Wades towards SHO

Lets fight, American swine.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2002 1:00 pm 
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*OOC: hey, TMT we been here before aint we?*

*SHO leaps over a rebel and slides toward TMT, driving his sword up into his stomach, but the faster than he locks Soviet Siper dude blockes the thrust with is sickle. Bring the hammer down where SHO's head was, the rebel smiles and stands as SHO bounces back to his feet.*

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2002 5:28 pm 
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ooc: yeah, how's your nose doing? /ooc

the two warriors start to exchange blows at lightning speed, thrusts and swipes parrying back and forth...

TMT swings his sickle in a massive uppercut, only to have it blocked by one of SHO's swords. TMT crashes his hammer into the sword, sending it flying into the distance.

Just as TMT is about to deliver a crushing strike to SHO's face, SHO kicks the red defender in the chest sendeing him reeling back

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2002 6:24 am 
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*Shaking his hand where sword used to be, SHO smiles at TMT and pulls a Glock from a holster in his belt and fires the entire magazine at the big rebel. TMT easily blocks and evades all the rounds.*

SHO: Shit!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2002 4:45 pm 
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/Icyov is still talking on his cell.

"What? You can't make it? But the keppitalists... What lecture? $2000 dollars a night? You sell-out styervo."

/hangs up phone angrily

Hmm, vee need someone to inspire the masses and stem the keppitalist tide! Someone weeth courage! Someone who's a commie bestard! Only one person is keppable of this!

/Icyov remembers the words to an old song.

...where working men go out on strike, Joe Hill is at their side!
Joe Hill is at their side...
From San Diego out to Maine, in every mine and mill,
where workers strike and organize, 'tis there you'll find Joe Hill.
'Tis there you'll find Joe Hill.


I summon the spirit of Joe Hill!

All of a sudden a ghostly figure with a guitar appears in the midst of the teeming mob.

(Old American Union Song Time! Yay!)

Solidarity Forever (Sung to "Battle Hymn of the Republic")

When the union's inspiration through the workers' blood shall run,
There can be no power greater anywhere beneath the sun;
Yet what force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one,
But the union makes us strong.

CHORUS:
Solidarity forever,
Solidarity forever,
Solidarity forever,
For the union makes us strong.

Is there aught we hold in common with the greedy parasite,
Who would lash us into serfdom and would crush us with his might?
Is there anything left to us but to organize and fight?
For the union makes us strong.

It is we who plowed the praries; built the cities where they trade;
Dug the mines and built the workshops, endless miles of railroad laid;
Now we stand outcast and starving midst the wonders we have made;
But the union makes us strong.

All the world that's owned by idle drones is ours and ours alone.
We have laid the wide foundations; built it skyward stone by stone.
It is ours, not to slave in, but to master and to own.
While the union makes us strong.

They have taken untold millions that they never toiled to earn,
But without our brain and muscle not a single wheel can turn.
We can break their haughty power, gain our freedom when we learn
That the union makes us strong.

In our hands is placed a power greater than their hoarded gold,
Greater than the might of armies, magnified a thousand-fold.
We can bring to birth a new world from the ashes of the old
For the union makes us strong.



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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: IcyMonkey on 2002-09-11 16:46 ]</font>


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2002 7:17 pm 
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::Kitsune lies on the ground, impaled upon a spike, his lifeblood spilling out around him as fast as he can DEM it back in. The spike snapped his spine, so he couldn't move his body to get himself off to heal the wound. His forehead is perspiring. He's still shooting his shotgun at people, but he's muttering as he does it, creating an appearance of not being quite sane::

Goddamn bloody commie pinko mutant traitor liberal fuckin bastards *BOOM* they all deserve to die *BOOM* Goddamn fucking Ronald Reagan why couldn't he really have been that stupid fucking shithead clone of his*BOOM* I really hate commies *BOOM* Always gotta piss me off, and then something like this goes and happens *BOOM* I mean, look at me, I'm a fucking paraplegic, why the hell did they have to do this to me? *BOOM BOOM KABOOM* Oop. Hit a mechanical commie. Didn't know those things existed. Well, *BOOM* it just exited!!

::Kitsune begins to laugh maniacally, and all the fighters begin to step far way from him. He continues shooting communists, though::

Goddamn commie assholes, you all deserve to die . . . *BOOM*

OOC: Figured I might as well get back to my character . . .

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 11, 2002 8:36 pm 
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TMT slowly steps forward, as menacing as you can while wearing red, yellow, and white spandex.

Facing SHO, he strikes the hun out of the Capitalists hand, and swings his sickle soon after.

SHO quickly jumps back, but the sickle still scores a deep cut into the american's kevlar jacket

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2002 1:11 pm 
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*The sickle bites into the kevlar, it rips from from SHO's body revealing his "Hulkamania" T-shirt.*

What, Hulk's cool, man.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2002 5:55 am 
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::Kitsune is laying there, crying. He's passed the maniacal phase, and now he's faced with the truth that, for the first time, he'll actually die::

Dammit . . . I didn't come here for this . . . I didn't want to die . . . Of course, whoever would? I just . . . wish I could say goodbye to MiaoMing . . .

What?!

::A paper thin crack in the middle of the horizon will make a person say "what?" exactly the way Kit just did . . .

The crack expands into a white door-shaped portal. A dark shape steps through, then looks around at the mess that's been caused, and at Reagan and Lenin still going at it. He moans::

Older Kitsune: Bro, what the hell have you gotten yourself into this time?

Long story. *wince* Just what exactly are you doing here?

OldKit: Thought I'd make sure my personal Mini-Me was okay, I guess.

Well--that'd be a no, wouldn't you say?

::The older Kitsune's eyes get a little misty::

OldKit: Bro, you don't deserve to go out like this.

Well, geee, thanks for your fucking enlightment all of a sudden. You'll have to excuse me if I mince words, I'm a litle busy DYING.

::The older Kit bends over him::

OldKit: Kitsune, if you ever want to breathe another breath, you'll treat me with the respect you usually give me. Now, whether you care or not, I am going to pick you up off this spike and get you somewhere you can heal.

::The older Kitsune grabs him under the shoulders and rear, and heaves. With a *skwick* sound, Kitsune comes off the shard of metal. He screams in pain, then he faints::

::The older Kitsune looks around, narrowing his eyes::

OldKit: Damn bastards, not a one of them helped him . . . I'll take it out on someone later.

::He walks back through the door. The door flickers, then slips shut and *spritz*es out of the universe. Madadric stands inside his emporium and stares at the dimensional rift::

Mad: Well, what do you know . . . That guy looked a bit like Lariat, after all . . .

Mad: Dammit, the puzzle still isn't making any sense! Why are we here? What's going on, that the universe requires us to be superheroes and defy its laws?

::He pounds the window he was staring out of, then turns away. A communist comes on him, and almost doesn't ask, seeing his expression, but he goes forward anyway::

Commie: Hey, I need help finding a weapon to help our revolution . . .

::Mad's head snaps up, and his troubled expression is replaced with his characteristic almost-manic smile::

Mad: Well then, you've come to the right place! What exactly are you looking for . . . ?

::And so, another chapter in Kitsune's life comes to a close. How the battle will end, we may never know. But Kitsune has completed his walk through the war, and he will not forget it. And Mad has learned something else about Kitsune's past, even if he does not know it yet::

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