ZOMBIE FORUMS

It's a stinking, shambling corpse grotesquely parodying life.
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any1 play a3 awakening?
I DO! 4%  4%  [ 1 ]
nope 16%  16%  [ 4 ]
whats a3? 80%  80%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 25
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 1:28 am 
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Please don't. Beg. I have read initiations. I'd rather not recieve one unless I deserved it somehow... I feel it's only fair. If you feel otherwase, then I cannot stop you, but I still make my plea.

I just don't want to meet Wanda...


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 7:30 am 
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An initiation is a good thing. A full page ass-raping/body-multilating assault and restoration is quite an honor here. Unlike some forums, an initiation here is well thought out and not a personal insult. Only trolls (real assholes) get abused, and annoying post-whores get raped by everyone at least once (and sometimes reapedly) by several at a time.
Measure your initator by the quality, quantity, and Originality of his/her methods.
So, sit back, relax, and don't whine, lest you be viewed as unworthy, and above all remember to thank your host for their time and trouble.

Enjoy...........................................................................................


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 12:02 am 
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MR. Dead wrote:
So, sit back, relax, and don't whine, lest you be viewed as unworthy, and above all remember to thank your host for their time and trouble.
Enjoy...........................................................................................


Ah... Tha classic calm the victom down speech. I feel so privlaged.

You might as well sdo the official clame thing now...

*put on genorous amounts of KY to ease the upcomming pain*


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 Post subject: Chaos_Descending, you are mine. (Hope I can live up to Krylex's standards.)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 12:32 am 
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:lol:

I like this one.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but... claimed.

::shifts to High Chronomancer of the Royal Court of Unfounded Speculation form and locks Chaos_Descending (KY and all ;-) ) into a block of frozen time bearing the inscription "Initiation to follow within 24 hours"::

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 Post subject: Re: Chaos_Descending, you are mine. (Hope I can live up to Krylex's standards.)
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 4:28 am 
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krylex wrote:
*A blue cloud of smoke surrounds wonderful_me and suddenly he finds himself frozen in a block of ice on the fabled initiation stage with the letters "CLAIMED" on his forhead.


Yevaud333 wrote:
I can't believe I'm saying this, but... claimed.


sorry yevaud - looks like 'he' is already taken ..


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 4:54 am 
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*Krylex whaps Proradium with his new CluBat.


I was claiming the other bastard. Yevaud can do as he pleases with that one. As for my initiation, it shall be done later today, if I feel it is still required...


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 9:32 am 
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Go ahead and give a show. You can 're-initiate' me just to show what it is like. It is rather hard to comprehend being initiated as a welcome here when a lot of the other lesser locations on the net use iniations as a method of eliminating or scaring off folk, so they can maintain some form of elitism (in their own minds anyway).

It is a welcome and a pleasure, and I am always impressed by viscous originality.................................................

Give us warm-up. G 'head.


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 Post subject: It's the one! The only! The twice-as-expensive-as-the-generic-brand!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:23 pm 
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krylex wrote:
*Krylex whaps Proradium with his new CluBat.

*Eyes CluBat suspiciously*

Egad! It's a cheap Korean knock-off of the Pedantic Absurdist Industries© Clue Stik™!!

*Goes off to summon his lawyers from the interdimensional hell-plane they reside in to see what can be done*

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:30 pm 
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I'll just stick to the trusty, classic, Clue-by-four.

BLM


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 Post subject: Re: It's the one! The only! The twice-as-expensive-as-the-generic-brand!
PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 3:05 pm 
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Wandering Idiot wrote:
krylex wrote:
*Krylex whaps Proradium with his new CluBat.

*Eyes CluBat suspiciously*

Egad! It's a cheap Korean knock-off of the Pedantic Absurdist Industries© Clue Stik™!!

*Goes off to summon his lawyers from the interdimensional hell-plane they reside in to see what can be done*


Well, periodically, I would nab the Clue Stik™ from someone, but I instead set my Korean counterparts (slave labor) to build me this. However, it is over 2/3 difference from the Clue Stick™. First off, it is aluminum with a liquid interior for some added momentum...


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2003 11:12 pm 
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*Looks around fearfully, blushing due to the fact that he is still mooning the entire board*
God, Dammit, they didn't let me finish the application. This is going to hurt and sting. :cry:


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 Post subject: Please follow all links as you read through for the full effect. Target sites are text, so shouldn’t get anyone in trouble.
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 5:30 am 
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the peice of frozen time begins to shake as giant footfalls shake the ground, and a HUGE Dragon, gold colored, pounds toward the n00b trapped in it
when he gets close he takes a deep breathe and breathes *FIRE* out all over, evaporating the block (even time thaws under a Dragon’s breath!!!!) but stoping before he fries the n00b.
Chaos Descending looks up and screams, wetting himself and trying to run, but it is no use and the Dragon smacks him like a little mouse, throwing him against a rock and dazing him.
Scooping him up with one foreclaw, Yevaud333 tossess him hinto the air and watches as he falls back down, breaking his legs upon contact with the ground so he can’t run any more.
The Dragon tears off the n00bs arms, “that’s for asking fora n initiation, twerp” and then his head darts down with his jaws wide open and his teeth flash as



There is a flash of light, and Chaos_Decending finds himself standing, whole and unharmed, a few feet to the right of the version of him which is still lying on the ground. The prone, armless figure is absolutely motionless, as are the dripping jaws no more than a hand’s-breadth from his skin. A wry voice comes from over the shoulder of the bewildered victim-turned-spectator.

“What you see before you is an alternate timeline in which you are not the first, but the two-hundred-and-twenty-first n00b to have been initiated by me....” A sigh. “...in this exact same fashion.” Grimacing, another Yevaud333, this one in human form, moves forward into your line of sight. “The ‘me’ of this reality is both much more sadistic and much less imaginative than I prefer to regard myself as.” Stepping around you, he peers at his alternate self’s 2-foot-long teeth. “And apparently much less conscious of dental hygeine. Ugh.”

Shaking his head, he waves a hand dismissively and the scene slowly drains of color, then begins to lose all contrast until it has faded to a uniform shade of grey. Turning to Chaos_Decending, Yevaud333 speaks again.

“My first plan to initiate you involved visiting several such alternate realities, each of which would reveal to you a new and creative way in which either I or some other board member chose to welcome you to our ranks. However, upon reflection I realized that this style of initiation was more suited to my Lord’s abilities, and so not wishing to intrude upon his territory (certain though I was that such intrusion would be forgiven) I tried to come up with some alternate idea. Fortunately for me, while the version of myself which you just saw is utterly unable to do anything of the sort, there are others of us which more than make up for his deficiencies. My thanks goes to a me three Junctions back which was able to devise a scheme much more befitting of our office and area of mastery; namely, Time.”

Beckoning Chaos_Decending to follow, Yevaud333 begins to walk through the nothing which surrounds them. “I’ve been doing some research, and I admit I can’t quite figure you out. You seem very well-informed and knowledgeable in certain ways (for example, knowing why H-Kat was initiated) but at the same time I cannot tell from your posts and those of wolf346 whether the current crop of n00bs fully understands the meaning of an initiation, or the implications of asking for one. (Which is what you most definitively did, else we would not be standing here now, I assure you. Begging not to be initiated is the same as begging to be initiated in that both simply serve to draw attention to yourself and associate you with the word “initiation” in the minds of the regulars. As I suspect you well knew.) And so, since as H-Kat said, an initiation should teach you something, and as MR. Dead explained, an initiation is really meant to be a welcoming ritual (albeit one which often involves subjecting you to horrors beyond human comprehension, though not simply humiliating you), I (or at least, that I I mentioned previously) thought it would be appropriate to take you on a little stroll down memory lane. It should be both instructional and... memorable, to say the least.” Yevaud333 smiles, but somehow it is not a reassuring expression. “Ahh, here’s our timeline now! (Wrap your head around that statement. ;-) ) Let’s see....”

As Chaos_Decending and Yevaud333 draw near, vague grey outlines of forums, topics, and links go whizzing past. Finally, Yevaud333 extends a hand and their surroundings slow, then stop. Making an intricate gesture, he explains as the world fills with color around them.

“You may have been wondering why I mentioned ‘hoping I could live up to krylex’s standards’ when I claimed you. (That is, assuming you read subject lines.) Really, it’s more a matter of living up to my own standards; however, they were set rather high (no pun intended) by krylex’s initiation of Boom316, which I still look back on fondly as one of the best examples of a beautiful initiation. And here it is now.” The last of the color returns, illuminating two men staring each other down, each with a diminutive cartoon companion by his side....

As the scene finishes, Yevaud333 laughs. “I still enjoy reading that.” With a wave of his hand, he sends them once again careening into the past. “Now, this next one is an example of the sort of initiation for which you were preparing... oh, yeah, almost forgot about that; you shouldn’t be needing that lube after all. A teflon brain would probably be helpful, though.” He turns his back and peers at the timeline studiously as Chaos_Decending takes care of the apparently unnecessary KY. When the n00b finishes and looks up, he finds before him a man seated in a control room, with another n00b visible on the screen in front of him and two rabbits just coming into view....

It takes some time for Chaos_Decending to recover sufficiently to keep down what little remains of his lunch. The greyed-out timeline, once more zipping by at high speed, doesn’t help. “There there, you’ll be alright. Now, no tour of the initiation circuit would be complete without an example of Rae’s endless creativity with networking hardware.” Their forward acceleration slows, leaving them just a couple days ahead of the initiation by krylex which they started with. “There are lots of these scattered about, but I’ll only inflict one on you during this tour; one of the few in which he showed mercy. You can thank me later.” A soot-covered figure strides toward them through a portal that makes molten lead look cool by comparison....

Yevaud333 snaps his fingers. “Oh, right; that bit with the revivifying weasel-smoothie reminds me of another classic.” Once again they race along the timeline, traveling a couple months back. “Fairly recent to be considered a ‘classic,’ I know, but the fact that it was posted by BiShouNenKaMi (one of the fabled but absent Board Eldar, blessed may his wanderings be until his return) helps advance it to that status. It being an initiation of an über-n00b who had managed to do all the wrong things also makes it a particularly pertinent example.” Chaos_Decending finds himself in the fabled Initiation Auditorium, with the one-and-only pretty-boy deity making his way to the stage down the packed aisle....

Shivering at the sight of the crowds lining up for weasel smoothies, Yevaud333 gets them moving again. “Almost done. You’re hanging in there well, I must say.” Watching carefully, the chronomancer halts their progress a month or so previous to the infamous initiation by Rand Al'Tor which they had visited previously. “Sorry, but I just keep finding new ones. This happened to come up when I searched for BiShouNenKaMi posts with the word ‘weasel’ in them, and it’s too good to pass up. A very creative format; I think the only init-a-trois I’ve ever read, actually.” A dramatic soundtrack fires up, and text begins scrolling up overlaid on a trio sitting at a Juice Bar....

“Heh, wonderfully creative and polished, one of the few that makes it fun to hear about pure violence and n00b-bashing, since it's just sort of ‘something they’re doing’ in the midst of enjoying themselves.” Yawning, Yevaud333 glances at his watch. “Crap, I need to be awake in like three hours... ah, well, I’ll just have to make myself a moebius minute, though it’s a real pain to get out of one of those when you’re finished with it.” Grimacing at the thought, he kicks them back another couple of weeks. “Anyway, here are some last words of wisdom which I’ll leave you with. When you’re done listening to the sermon, there’ll be a lifeline waiting for you at the other end; follow it and you should sync up properly with when you were before all this started. Enjoy, and good night!” Waving cheerfully, Yevaud333 fades into nothingness, leaving Chaos_Decending sitting on a hill with a great contingent of the faithful who are gazing raptly at Rand Al'Tor, who is wearing a habit and carrying a big book....

As the crowd disperses, marveling at the wisdom of the wise man’s words, Chaos_Decending sees a golden cord dangling by his side. The card attached to the end of it says, in glittering letters, “Pull Me!” When he does so, the cord stretches like a rubber band, then snaps back toward whence it came, dragging him along with it. A year blazes past in the blink of an eye, and he is left stunned in this very thread, with the card still in his hand. Holding his spinning head, he turns the card over; on its back is written, “Oh yeah, almost forgot: you’ll want to put ‘Initiated by Yevaud333’ in your sig. But then, after all you’ve seen today, I’m sure you already knew that. ;-)

_________________
Only try to realize the truth...
There is no spoon. Then you will realize
that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.


"Only he who attempts the absurd
is capable of achieving the impossible."
 - Miguel de Unamuno


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 6:16 am 
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/me applauds

... very nice - i love the links to the other initiations and threads


/me refrains from any other comments lest he is whacked with the clue-bat or any other cheap rip-off etc cause he skips vital words while reading ;)


Last edited by proradium on Sun Jul 13, 2003 6:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 8:57 am 
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Heh, 'twas a slightly unorthodox initiation, but I liked it anyway, Yevaud. The only problem I had with it is that you left out this initiation...


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 Post subject: GO-GO INITIATORS, PERVERT, FAPPING INITIATORS... Heh..
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 9:46 am 
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True, the Pervert Rangers were a classic.

Nice one, Yevaud! It's like the official clip-show of Initiations :)

And just how much damage did you do to the fabric of spacetime, scooting him about willy-nilly like that, I wonder? If the majority of quantum universes end up containing an Earth dominated by sentient Portuguese orangutans, we’ll know who to blame…

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 Post subject: Yeah, call me lazy
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 10:01 am 
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I enjoyed it. I'm glad to know that I stick out in at least one person's mind with init of Boom. Speaking of which, I still have to think of an initiation. Ahhh, fuck, he seems gone. Not worth it if he isn't here anymore.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2003 3:24 pm 
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Well. What can I say. First off Props go to Yevaud333 for the hard work that was put into that. A few things to be noted however.

First off, I feel nothing but shame for the alternate me that was toasted by your alternate self. Evidently he is not as big a dragon fan as I am.

Yevaud333, you also mentioned you could not figure me out. Well. since I am a n00b, I have not given everybody much to figure me out by. Therefor I will spell out as much as I can.

Not to long ago, my friends and I decided to go to a convention that was being held in Toronto, called Anime North. I was in charge of arranging everything from hotel rooms to rides (which I regrettably delegated to someone else). A friend of my asked if we could give a ride to an acquaintance of his. I quickly learned many things about this aquaintance. First off, we were both at the 2002 con. Now, I should mention that at this con, one night, due to a bout of insomnia, I went to the Hentai room. The Hentai was so horrible that I couldn't take it seriously, thus I started to heckle. One other voice joined in with the Hentai Heckling, at least only one intelligent voice and that voice was of the very same guy I was giving a ride to a year later. I also learned that this guy was known on these forums as the one and only H-Kat, Pr0n Kitty extortioner.

In the next few days that I roomed with him, I found he was an intelligent but delightfully insane individual. Just the type of person I like to hang out with.

He later introduced me to Khym Forums. An interesting place to say the least. H-Kat showed me a few things, specifically his initiation. He later told me about a few initiations he performed, namely the Russian transvestite named Wanda (at least I think it was Russian). These were the only examples of initiations I ever received, thus I was given a very skewed impression of initiations. *glares at H-Kat, and pulls out a Julia Set Throwing Star and firmly implants in H-Kat's forehead* There, revenge.

Now you know my connection to the forums. Now back the complimenting the initiation.

I am amazed how well that was done. Simply because it suites my personality perfectly. Intellegent, not too crude. Perfect. Thank you.
Oh, and before I end this post.

*Chaos calmly walks over to Yevaud333's dragon avatar*

WHEEEE!!!!! GOLD DRAGON!!!! WAI WAI!!! COOOL!!!

*huggles, and then regains his composure*

*Cough Cough*

Always wanted to do that.

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A man said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!"
"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."


- Stephen Crane


Last edited by Chaos on Fri Jul 25, 2003 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2003 12:40 am 
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Well. Welcome formally to the Forums then.
You're lucky as you were warned what would happen to you here LOL.

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 Post subject: Thanks, guys. You all rock. :-)
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2003 4:29 pm 
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::after disentangling himself, the Dragon bows to Chaos_Decending:: Ahh, thanks. I’m glad to hear I was able to devise an initiation you could be proud of. Thanks for explaining that bit about your background, too; now I won’t have to waste any more of my Unfounded Speculation powers in coming up with conspiracy theories to explain to myself where you got your info. And of course, it’s always nice to meet another person who realizes just how über-cool (and yet modest) we Dragons really are. 8)

Heh, Icy, glad you approve and thanks for the link; that’s one initiation I hadn’t seen or heard of before.

I dunno, krylex; if anything creative occurs to you, I’d say go ahead and write it, for us if not the n00b. Though I’ll also understand if you’re saving yourself for a more deserving target in the future.

Oh, and Wandering, despite your mastery of the many planes of the multiverse, in this case I think you’re just being paranoid. Really, there’s nothing to worry... about.... ::looks over his shoulder:: Uhm, excuse me a minute, will you? ::darts head around and crunches something, resulting in frantic chittering and yammering in a foreign language that sounds almost like Spanish only not quite::

::turns back to you, chewing mightily::

Sorry about that. ::swallows:: Now, where was I? Oh, yes, about the time travel, really, c’mon man, I’m a pro, and it’s not like I made any of those stupid little clichéd missteps that always send things straight to hell in those cheesy overdone sci-fi short stories. You’ve got nothing to worry about, I promise.

So yeah, glad you all enjoyed, and thanks much for the kind words! See you around! ::takes off::

Chaos_Decending: ::gazing in awe at the rising form of the Dragon:: ...say, what’s that on the bottom of his left hind leg?

IcyMonkey: I dunno, a mole or something? (Do Dragons get moles?) ::peers upward with his Godless Commie Traitor Vision©™:: Oh, no, wait, that’s funny; looks like a squashed butterfly. Heh.

Wandering Idiot: ... ::blinkblink:: o_O;;;

_________________
Only try to realize the truth...
There is no spoon. Then you will realize
that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.


"Only he who attempts the absurd
is capable of achieving the impossible."
 - Miguel de Unamuno


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2003 3:39 pm 
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Extortioner... is that like a guy who jobs money from you?

-H-Kat
You've been broken in, Chaos, you might want to drop it in your sig.

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